Favorite Comedy Quotes
Donkey: Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: That would be my home.
Donkey: Oh and it is LOVELY. You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.
Donkey: You, uh... you don't entertain much, do you?
Shrek: I like my privacy.
Donkey: Y'know, me too. That's another thing we have in common. I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence...
[big awkward silence ensues]
Donkey: ... Can I stay with you?
This'll be fun. We'll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning... I'm making waffles.Donkey
Oh, no no no no. Dead broad off the table.Shrek
He hooffed und he poooffed und he... signed an eviction notice.Little Pig
Lord Farquaad: Run, run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man.
Gingerbread Man: You're a monster.
Lord Farquaad: Tell me where are the others.
Gingerbread Man: Eat me.
Lord Farquaad: Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall / Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?
Magic Mirror: Well, technically, you're not a king.
Lord Farquaad: Thelonius?
Magic Mirror: [nervous] Er, I mean you're not a king yet.
[about Snow White] Although she lives with seven other men, she's actually not easy.Magic Mirror
Donkey: Okay, let me get this straight: you gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad'll give you back your swamp, which you only don't have 'cos he filled it full of freaks in the first place, is that about right?
Donkey: Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.
Shrek: Donkey, if that was me, you'd be dead. That's brimstone... we must be getting close
Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone, don't be talking about no brimstone. I know what I smelt and it wasn't no brimstone and it didn't come off no stone neither.
I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going.Donkey