Favorite Comedy Quotes
You hit me. Look don't make me participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And-and-and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.Cameron
I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.Ed Rooney
Ed Rooney: Between grief and nothing... I'll take grief.
Ed Rooney: I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him.
Grace: Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody... Its true.
Ed Rooney: What is so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is he gives good kids bad ideas.
Ed Rooney: Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectivley govern this student body.
Grace: Well, makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed.
Ty Webb: You've got to win this hole.
Danny Noonan: I kinda thought winning wasn't important
Ty Webb: Me winning isn't. You do.
Danny Noonan: Great grammar.
Wait up, girls; I got a salami I gotta hide still.Carl Spackler
Lacey Underall: You're crazy!
Ty Webb: That's what they said about Son of Sam.
Ahoy polloi.Spalding Smails
IT'S IN THE HOLE!Carl Spackler
Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.Al Czervik
Danny Noonan: I haven't even told my father I'm not gonna get that scholarship. I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.
Ty Webb: What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.
Danny Noonan: I notice you don't spend too much time there.
Ty Webb: I'm not quite sure where they are.