Favorite Comedy Quotes
Ken: Harry, let's face it. You've always been a cunt. The only thing that's gonna change, is that you're gonna be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.
Harry: You fuckin' retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids!
Ken: I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.
Harry: Insulting my fucking kids? That's goin' overboard man!
Ken: I retracted it, didn't I?
Lou [shouting from a rooftop to the '80s teenagers below]: "Hey, John Lennon gets shot!...
[To himself:] Wait, did that happen yet?"
Foster: How you feelin' there, Mac?
Mac: Good enough... to fuck... your mother.
I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich.Jane
Jake: My name is Jacob Stein. I'm from the American Federation of Music. I've been sent to see if you gentlemen are carrying your permits.
Tucker McElroy: Our what?
Jake: Your union cards. May I see your cards please?
Tucker McElroy: Well, suppose we ain't got no union cards and go in there and start playin' anyway? Whatcha gonna do about that? You gonna stop us, Stein? Ha. You're gonna look pretty funny tryin' to eat corn on the cob with no fuckin' teeth!
Janis: That one there, that's Karen Smith. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Damien sat next to her in English last year.
Damian: She asked me how to spell orange.
John Clasky: They should name a gender after you.
John Clasky: Looking at you doesn't do it, staring is the only way that makes sense.
John Clasky: And trying not to blink so you don't miss anything.
John Clasky: And all of that and you're you.
John Clasky: It's just that you are drop dead crazy gorgeous.
John Clasky: So much so, that I'm actually considering looking at you again before we finish up here.
[to Inigo] You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.Fezzik
[after being tortured by weed whacker] Who brings a weed wacker on a boat?Drug Lord's First Hostage
You don't deserve them, I mean you eat carbs, for Chrissake!Emily
Nicky: You have really kind eyes, you know that?
Andy Stitzer: Thanks. Umm... your hat has sequins.
Oh I know I don't think I see what I see what I'm thinking. I know good and well yâ€™all ain't gambling back here, this supposed to be a Chinese Restaurant!James Carter