Favorite Comedy Quotes
Westley: Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where is Buttercup?
Inigo Montoya: Let me 'splain. [pause] No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry' Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen.
Westley: That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying.
Fezzik: You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful.
Westley: I've always been a quick healer. What are our liabilities?
Inigo Montoya: There is but one working castle gate, and... and it is guarded by 60 men.
Westley: And our assets?
Inigo Montoya: Your brains, Fezzik's strength, my steel.
Westley: Give us the gate key.
Yellin: I have no gate key.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yellin: Oh, you mean *this* gate key.
The Grandson: Grandpa, maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow.
Grandpa: As you wish.
Inigo Montoya: You know Fezzik, you finally did something right.
Fezzik: Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head.
Inigo Montoya: [drunk] I - am - waiting - for - Vizzini...
Fezzik: You surely are a meanie.
Inigo Montoya: [smiles]
Inigo Montoya: It's you.
I fight gangs for local charities and stuff.Fezzik
Westley: Where am I?
The Albino: [raspy voice] The Pit of Despair! Don't even think... [coughs, clears throat] Don't even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. Don't dream of being rescued, either; the only way in is secret. Only the Prince, the Count, and I know how to get in and out.
Westley: So I'm here 'til I die?
The Albino: Until they kill you, yeah.
The kingdom of FAR FAR Away, Donkey? That's where we're going! FAR! FAR!... away.Shrek
Puss-in-Boots: Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.
Shrek: Join the club. We got jackets.
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.Donkey
Hey, boss. Let's shave him.Puss-in-Boots
[after drinking a beauty potion]
Donkey: I don't *feel* any different. Do I look any different?
Puss-in-Boots: You still look like an ass to me!