Heather Holloway: Heather Holloway.
Nick Naylor: Nick Naylor. Big Tobacco.
Heather Holloway: [holds up tape recorder] Is this kosher?
Nick Naylor: Only if I can call you Heather.
Heather Holloway: By all means. So, Mr. Naylor ...
Nick Naylor: [interrupting] Nick.
Heather Holloway: Nick. Let's start with ...
Nick Naylor: '82 Margaux.
Heather Holloway: Okay. Is it good?
Nick Naylor: "Good"? It'll make you believe in God.

Karen: Why are you dressed so scary?
Cady: It's Halloween.

Regina said she'll talk to Aaron. And now she is. How can Janis hate her? She's such a good... SLUT!

Cady

Do you know what people say about you? They say you are homeschooled jungle freak who's a less hot version of me. So don't try to act all innocent. You can take that fake apology and shove it straight up your hair little a-
[gets hit by bus]

Regina

There are two kinds of people in this world, winners and losers.

Richard

Sheryl: What did he say?
Richard: I'll tell you when I regain consciousness.

Olive: Do you eat ice cream?
Miss California: Yes. My favorite is Cherry Chocolate Garcia... except technically I think it's a frozen yogurt.

Frank: I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor?
Sheryl: Frank...
Grandpa: Are you kidding me? It was a fucking paradise. They got pool... They got golf... Now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleeping on a fucking sofa. Look, I know you are a homo and all, but maybe you can appreciate this. You go to one of those places, there's four women for every guy. Can you imagine what that's like?
Frank: You must have been very busy.
Grandpa: Ho oh. I had second degree burns on my johnson, I kid you not.
Frank: Really?
Grandpa: Forget about it.

Sheryl: She can't go. They've got some equestrian thing.
Richard: Oh, they do that horse shit every weekend.

Frank: Can I get you anything from inside?
Grandpa: Yeah, get me some porn. And get some real nasty stuff, none of that airbrushed shit. And here, get something for yourself. Get yourself a fag rag.

We were driving for six or seven hours... and we thought he was napping...

Richard

This is the part where you run away.

Shrek

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