Favorite Comedy Quotes
[after Al tells him that professional wrestling is fake] Uh, Al, I know you must be smart because you have a scientific-style job, but if this shit is fake and everyone knows it's fake, why the hell would anybody waste their time watching it?The Kid
Rita: Have you ever had dÃ©jÃ -vu?
Phil: Didn't you just ask me that?
Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.
Earl Bassett: Must be a million of them!
Valentine McKee: Nope, just one!
Hey, Bud, let's party!Jeff Spicoli
Rita: Where were you?
Phil: [referring to Ned] It was awful. A giant leech got me.
Let me give you a little advice so you know. In times of economic uncertainty, never ever fuck with another man's livelihood. Go have fun now. You know fun, time of your life? Maybe if you follow that, I won't have to come back here.Guido
Perry's Pizza Waitress: Linda, Linda, there he is. There's that guy from the stereo store. Don't you think he looks like Richard Gere?
Linda Barrett: Did you see his cute little butt?
Uzi Tenenbaum: Who's your father?
Chas: His name is Royal Tenenbaum.
Ari: You told us he was already dead.
Chas: Yeah, well now he's really dying.
Rob: You don't look at the things you have. You only look at the stuff you don't have. Those guys are right about you, you're money.
Mike: Then why won't she call?
Rob: She won't call because you left.
When the fantasy has ended/and all the children are go/ I feel that something inside me/comes to carry on/I ate some bugs/I ate some grass/I use my hands/To wipe my tears/To kiss your mouth/I break my vows/No, no, no, no, no, no way jose/And if you want to/we can break our vows together/Nacho
[narrating] What happens to a man when he loses everything? Everything he's worked for... everything he believes in? Driven from his home... cast out of society... how can he survive? Where can he go? New York City! For centuries people have come to New York seeking refuge from their troubled lives. Now I am one of them.Jim McAllister