Favorite Comedy Quotes
Let's get sour on some Krauts!Gil
Vivian Jaffe: Have you ever transcended space and time?
Albert Markovski: Yes. No. Uh, time, not space... No, I don't know what you're talking about.
Flying Car 2... now with wings!Flint Lockwood
Mr. Tilney! Have a care with my name - you will wear it out!Queen Elizabeth
[speaking to Marie in bed while she sleeps] I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.Navin Johnson
Louis Winthorpe III: Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear? That's the other guy's problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the absolute carnage you are about to witness. Super Bowl, World Series - they don't know what pressure is. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One minute you're up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah, we got to kill the motherfuckers - we got to kill 'em!
This an outrage! I demand a full investigation!Mortimer Duke
Rob: Marvin Gaye.
Laura: I know.
Rob: Let's get it on. That's our song. Marvin Gaye is responsible for our entire relationship.
Laura: Oh, is that so? I'd like a word with him then.
The doctor said I need a backiotomy!Sir-Smoke-Alot
Jerry: Have I got things to tell you!
Joe: What happened?
Jerry: I'm engaged.
Joe: Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?
Jerry: I am!
Jackie: Hello, Joel. I'm Jackie.
Joel Goodson: Hello, Jackie. I'm not Joel. Joel stepped out for a moment. Hold on... I'll go call him.
Architect: Mr. Blume, how are Ronny and Donny enjoying military school?
Herman Blume: They love it.
Magnus Buchan: Lucky bastards.