Favorite Comedy Quotes
Jovie: How come you were in the women's locker room this morning?
Buddy: I heard you singing.
Jovie: Are you sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was naked in the shower?
Buddy: I didn't know you were naked.
It's just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture.Buddy
I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands.Buddy
Walter: What do you want? Some money?
Buddy: No! I just wanted to meet you and thought maybe you might want to meet me.
Walter: Who wouldn't wanna meet you?
Walter: You get the hell out of here.
Buddy: Where do you want me to go?
Walter: I don't care where you go. I don't care that you're an elf! I don't care that you're nuts! I don't care that you're my son! Get out of my life! Now!
Leon the Snowman: Why the long face, Buddy?
Buddy: It seems I'm not an elf.
Leon the Snowman: Of course you're not an elf. You're six-foot-three and had a beard since you were 15.
Oh, hello. You're, uh, you're probably here about the story. Elves love to tell stories. I... I'll bet you didn't know that about elves. There's, uh, probably a lot of things you didn't know about elves. Another, another interesting, uh, elfism, uh, there are only three jobs available to an elf. The first is making shoes at night while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps.Papa Elf
Disgruntled Cobbler Elf: Lazy bum! Couldn't even make a clog!
Papa Elf: You can bake cookies in a tree. As you can imagine, it's, uh, dangerous having an oven in an oak tree during the dry season. But the third job, some call it, uh, "the show" or "the big dance," it's the profession that every elf aspires to. And that is to build toys in Santa's workshop.
You're an old man, I don't want to fight you.Larry
[Gus punches Larry in the face]
Jedediah: I don't want to be manhandled!
Larry: No! I will manhandle you Jedadiah! Whats your problem? Why can't you all just get along?
Jedediah: We're men, we fight okay? Thats what we do!
Octavius: Its kinda how we pass the time.
I'm made of wax, Larry. What are you made of?Teddy Roosevelt
[Monkey slaps Larry on the head, Larry retaliates] Lawrence, who's evolved?Teddy Roosevelt