Favorite Comedy Quotes
Well, those cheeseburgers were only the beginning because a breakfast system is on its way to Swallow Falls. My forecast? Sunny... side up!Sam Sparks
It's the times. They are a-changin'. Something's blowing in the wind. Fetch me my diet pills, would you?Edna Turnblad
Julian Mercer: Look who's answering the door!
Harry Sanborn: Look who's at the door!
What a freak! He wants to be smart, but that's lame!'Baby' Brent
Topper Harley: You're joking.
Ramada Rodham Hayman: I'm not.
Topper Harley: You've got to be.
Ramada Rodham Hayman: If I was joking I would say: "A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Why the long face?'"
General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake, have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Well, no, I can't say I have.
Tomorrow, I'll be kissing her aerobicized ass, but tonight, let me dream of a world without Heather, a world where I am free.Veronica Sawyer
Stephanie Plum: You guys got anything full-time, part-time?
Connie: How comfortable are you with the lowlifes?
Stephanie Plum: I sold lingerie for three years in Newark.
Connie: You're good to go.
Jenko to banditJenko
This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Well, it used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to EAT it. You're hypocrites, all of you! You have a problem with what I'm saying, Larry?Phil Connors
Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing.
Veronica Sawyer: You're throwing your life away to become a statistic on U. S. fucking A. Today; that's about the least private thing I can think of.
Lois Einhorn: And somebody get me some coffee!
Ace Ventura: Tonight on Miami Vice, Crockett gets the boss some coffee