Favorite Comedy Quotes
Ms. Perky: [writing her novel] ... Underlating with desire, Adrian removes her red
[breaks concentration, chooses another word]
Ms. Perky: crimson cape, at the site of Reginal's stiff and...
[Yells at Judith]
Ms. Perky: What’s another word for "engorged"?
Judith: [disgusted look] I'll look it up.
Ms. Perky: Ok.
[thinking of word]
Ms. Perky: Swollen... Turgient...
Kat Stratford: [enters Kat] Tumesent?
Ms. Perky: Perfect!
Kat Stratford: [as Kat leaves] I'll let you get back to "Reginal's quivering member".
Ms. Perky: Quivering member? I like that.
Jacob: Hey Nick, rip off any pop stars lately?
Nick: Today I recorded an original piece... Okay, it was that Lisa Loeb song.
Audrey, good news, both my legs are broken so they can't take me straight to jail.Fletcher
Mike Lowrey: Everybody wants to be like Mike.
Captain Howard: Yeah, and you're gonna be retired like him too.
[to Earl] Who died and made you Einstein?Valentine McKee
Most of the time I'm just talking out of my ass - or sticking my hand in it.Brodie
Deputy Chief Hardy: Well I hoped never to see you again.
Schmidt: What's up, dawg?
Jenko: We back!
Deputy Chief Hardy: Ladies, nobody gave a s*** about the Jump Street reboot but you got lucky. So now this department has invested a lot of money to make sure Jump Street keeps going. The only problem is the Koreans bought the church back so we're moving you across the road to 22 Jump Street.
Joanna: So what do you wanna do?
Peter Gibbons: First I'm gonna take you out to dinner, and then I'm gonna go back to my apartment and watch kung fu. Do you ever watch kung fu?
Joanna: I love kung fu.
Peter Gibbons: Channel 39.
Peter Gibbons: You should come over and watch kung fu tonight.
Joanna: Ok. Ok. Can we order lunch first? Ok.
Random Guy: Hey Amanda.
Amanda Becket: Hey.
Random Guy: Remember that time we danced at the sock hop?
Amanda Becket: Yeah.
Random Guy: I just wanted you to know I had the hugest boner and I was just wondering if maybe you and I could get together and... work it out?
They using big words now. Sanctuary, congested... that means umm, ghetto.LeeJohn
Rene: What are you doing? You promised me breakfast.
Brodie: Breakfast, shmreakfast. Look at the score, for Christ's sake. It's only the second period and I'm up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Rene, but Hartford, "the Whale," they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime.
[as she is being dragged away] You can check my urine! CHECK MY URINE! CHECK MY URINE!Amy Squirrel