Oh, hello. You're, uh, you're probably here about the story. Elves love to tell stories. I... I'll bet you didn't know that about elves. There's, uh, probably a lot of things you didn't know about elves. Another, another interesting, uh, elfism, uh, there are only three jobs available to an elf. The first is making shoes at night while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps.

Papa Elf

You're an old man, I don't want to fight you.
[Gus punches Larry in the face]

Larry

Jedediah: I don't want to be manhandled!
Larry: No! I will manhandle you Jedadiah! Whats your problem? Why can't you all just get along?
Jedediah: We're men, we fight okay? Thats what we do!
Octavius: Its kinda how we pass the time.

I'm made of wax, Larry. What are you made of?

Teddy Roosevelt

[Monkey slaps Larry on the head, Larry retaliates] Lawrence, who's evolved?

Teddy Roosevelt

[about Sacajawea]
Larry: Was she deaf? She seems a bit unresponsive.
Rebecca: That's because she's a statue...

Larry: [speaking to Civil War diorama figures] The North wins. Slavery is bad. But the South has the Allman brothers...
[hesitates]
Larry: ... and... NASCAR.

[Showing lighter to cavemen] Hey guys? Quest for fire, over.

Larry

Larry: Ah yes, he was our fourth president, right?
Rebecca: Twenty-sixth

Cecil: [while Larry is chasing Cecil] These are trained horses, Larry. They won't stop until they hear a specific word.
Larry: Oh, you mean a word like... DAKOTA!

Stop babbling, boy!

Teddy Roosevelt

Harry, you're going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling that you have, every moment that you have them.

Sally Albright

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