Favorite Comedy Quotes
Larry: Ah yes, he was our fourth president, right?
Cecil: [while Larry is chasing Cecil] These are trained horses, Larry. They won't stop until they hear a specific word.
Larry: Oh, you mean a word like... DAKOTA!
Stop babbling, boy!Teddy Roosevelt
Harry, you're going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling that you have, every moment that you have them.Sally Albright
Harry Burns: Repeat after me. Pepper.
Sally Albright: Pepper.
Harry Burns: Pepper.
Sally Albright: Pepper.
Harry Burns: Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash.
Sally Albright: Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash.
Harry Burns: But I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie.
Harry Burns: I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you.
Sally Albright: What?
Harry Burns: I love you.
Sally Albright: How do you expect me to respond to this?
Harry Burns: How about, you love me too.
Sally Albright: How about, I'm leaving.
Harry Burns: You were going to be a gymnast.
Sally Albright: A journalist.
Harry Burns: Right, that's what I said.
Sally Albright: I don't have to take this crap from you.
Harry Burns: If you're so over Joe, why aren't you seeing anyone?
Sally Albright: I see people.
Harry Burns: See people? Have you slept with one person since you broke up with Joe?
Sally Albright: What the hell does that have to do with anything? That will prove I'm over Joe? Because I fuck somebody? Harry, you're gonna have to move back to New Jersey because you've slept with everybody in New York and I don't see that turning Helen into a faint memory for you. Besides, I will make love to somebody when it is making love. Not the way you do it like you're out for revenge or something.
Harry Burns: ...Are you finished now?
Sally Albright: ...Yes.
Harry Burns: Can I say something?
Sally Albright: Yes.
Harry Burns: ...I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk.Harry Burns
Sally Albright: The first date back is always the toughest, Harry.
Harry Burns: You only had one date. How do you know it's not going to get worse?
Sally Albright: How much worse can it get than finishing dinner, having him reach over, pull a hair out of my head and start flossing with it at the table?
Harry Burns: We're talking dream date compared to my horror.