Favorite Comedy Quotes
Heather McNamara: God, they're not gonna expel him. they'll just suspend him for a week or something.
Heather Chandler: He used a real gun, they should throw his ass in jail.
Veronica Sawyer: He used blanks. all he did was ruin 2 pairs of pants, maybe not even that... can you bleach out urine stains?
Horton: Sorry, this is where we get off.
[slingshots Bad Vlad off tree]
Horton: Cool line, usually I can't think of those things until later.
Bill: You have to see the Gambinis in action. I mean, these people, they love to argue. I mean, they live to argue.
Stan: My parents argue too, it doesn't make them good lawyers.
Bill: Stan, I've seen your parents argue. Trust me, they're amateurs.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: I don't like your attitude.
Vinny Gambini: So what else is new?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: I'm holding you in contempt of court.
Vinny Gambini: [to Bill] Now there's a fucking surprise.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: What did you say? What did you just say?
Vinny Gambini: Huh? What did I say?
Okay, it's like this. My dog ate my paper. I checked, but he didn't poop it out.Boy
Gary: You and Jill are so alike!
Jack: We are nothing alike, I promise you.
Dudley Frank: Im looking foward to the parade this year. I got little tootsi rolls to throw to the kids.
Woody Stevens: Tootsi rolls? You cannot even put on your left blinker without wiping out.
Who is your daddy and what does he do?Detective John Kimble
Walter Crewes: Jack, was that you giggling?
Jack Ryan: Nope. Must have been Number 9.
Walter Crewes: Well, what are you doing sneaking around here?
Jack Ryan: I'm not sneaking around. No, I was just thinking. Sometimes when I'm thinking it looks like I'm sneaking.
I wonder if the three of us would've been friends in real life. Not as brothers, but as people.Jack
Andy! You GOONIE!Troy Perkins
You ain't gonna shit right for a week!Willie