Favorite Comedy Quotes
I'm as mad at Flint as you are. In fact, the minute he steps out of that car, I'm gonna slap him in the face! I know he made the food, but that food was made to order, and now it's time for all of us to pay the bill.Earl Devereaux
Maxwell Smart: Oh gee, Maxie-man, I haven't heard that one before!
Maxwell Smart: I never have heard that before, actually.
Veronica Sawyer: Shit, Heather, I don't have anything against Martha Dunnstock.
Heather Chandler: You don't have anything for her either. Come on. It will be very. The note will give her shower-nozzle masturbation material for weeks.
Ellen Griswold: Clark, let's just skip the house of mud. I think Dodge City was enough fun for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.
Clark: It's living history Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins. Personally I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.
I know that I have a .013% chance of being hit by a car on my way home. Or a one in 46,000 chance of falling through a subway grate. So I try to manage that risk by avoiding danger and having a plan and knowing what my next move is. And I guess you don't exactly live your life that way. Yeah... which is great, but I'm not gonna ever be a dirty dancer, and I don't eat food with my hands, and I really like you, but I just don't think this is gonna work out.Reuben Feffer
Miles Raymond: Hey, what should I wear?
Jack: I don't know, something casual but nice. They think you're a writer.
It's not like I'm a lesbian or anything. I'm attracted to the person. It's just that all the people I've been attracted to happen to be girls.Tammy Metzler
Carl Peterson: What you did in the bathroom last night was disgusting.
Dupree: I know, I'm never eating buffalo wings again.
I don't know why you going home to your wife. You got shot in the leg, your dick probably don't even work.Mike Lowrey
Ted: [narrating] From that point on, the guys looked at me in a completely different light.
High School Pal: You're a fuckin' liar!
Pappy O'Daniel: Furthermore, in the second Pappy O'Daniel administration, these boys is gonna be my *brain* trust.
Delmar O'Donnell: What's that mean, Everett?
Claire Standish: Why didn't you want me to know that you are a virgin?
Brian Johnson: Because it's my business ... my personal business.