Favorite Comedy Quotes
Grandpa: [voiceover] That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish," what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.
Buttercup: Farm boy... fetch me that pitcher.
Westley: As you wish.
[they begin kissing]
I'm testing the air. I like it but it doesn't like me.Macaulay Connor
Tom Dobbs: NASA spent 30 Million dollars creating the pen that would write upside down in space. Did you know that? The Russians, how ever, were able to solve this problem with
Tom Dobbs: Five cent pencil! Writes right side up, writes up-side down. After five quarts of vodka, is still writing!
Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.Mike Damone
Shaun! I read your story. You used a lot of big words. Great! Good for you! It was a little long, so I didn't read the whole thing, but who cares 'cause I gave you an A!Mr. Burke
Why would you buy these pants?Nick
Carlos: You called, Edna? You are a vision as always. Ah, Hello, Alex.
Alexander Scott: Hi, Carlos. How was Cuba?
Carlos: Es... adequate.
Motorcycle Cop: Do you know what the penalty for animal cruelty is in this state?
Clark: No, sir, I don't.
Motorcycle Cop: Well... it's probably pretty stiff.
Edward Ferrars: I hope I find you all well.
Marianne: Thank you, Edward, we are all very well.
Margaret: We've been enjoying very fine weather.
[Marianne nudges her]
Margaret: Well, we have.
Edward Ferrars: I'm glad to hear it. The roads were very... dry.
Boog? What's that short for? Booger?Ian
Henry Sherman: Call me Henry.
Chas: I prefer Mr. Sherman.
Ethel: Call him Henry.
Chas: Why? I don't know him that well.
Ethel: You've known him for ten years.
Dude, am I ugly?Klitz