Favorite Comedy Quotes
Wild Thing. You make my heart sing. You walk everything.Indians Fan
How's your wife and my kids?Heywood
The American Express Card. Don't steal home without it.Willie Mays Hayes
Everybody: Hello. Do you know us? We're a Major League Baseball team.
Jake Taylor: But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.
Eddie Harris: That's why we carry the American Express card.
Rick Vaughn: No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.
Pedro Cerrano: So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.
Roger Dorn: Look what it's done for US. People still DON'T recognize us but...
Lou Brown: We're contenders now.
Rachel Phelps: I think he'll fit right in with our team concept.
Charlie Donovan: That reminds me, I was going to ask you. What exactly is our team concept?
Charlie Donovan: Vaughn's been looking good out there today.
Rachel Phelps: Don't worry, he'll blow it.
Jake Taylor: Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down a run and you've got the chance to be the hero on national television... if you don't blow it. Saw your wife last night. Great little dancer. That guy she was with? I'm sure he's a close personal friend, but tell me, what was he doing with her panties on his head?
Rexman: [pops up]
Jake Taylor: Uh-oh, Rexie, I don't think this one's got the distance.
Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor.Harry Doyle
Roger Dorn: Don't fuck with me, Vaughn.
Rick Vaughn: Yeah?
Lou Brown: I thought you said we didn't have any high priced talent.
Charlie Donovan: Forget about Dorn, he's just high priced.
Pepper Leach: [Vaughn pulls up on motorcycle] Look at this fuckin' guy.
Lou Brown: My kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team.
Lou, Lou; a minute of your time. See, it says right there; no calisthentics. What do you think of that?Roger Dorn
Janice Bowden: I hear baseball players make awfully good salaries nowadays.
Jake Taylor: Well it all depends on how good you are.
Janice Bowden: How good are you?
Jake Taylor: I make the league minimum.