Favorite Comedy Quotes
Joshua: Are you married, Mr. Kimble? Detective
John Kimble: No, I'm not.
Joshua: [shouts] He's not married, Mom!
Are you or are you not the Black Angel of Death?Steve
We'll probably head over there right after we bury your mom.Mark
You got to be a stupid motherfucker to get fired on your day off.Smokey
Maggie: You coming back through?
Dudley Frank: Maybe. A biker never knows. A week, a month.
Dudley Frank: Six days, ten hours, 27 minutes, give or take six minutes for wind resistance.
I was a lesbian once at school, but only for about 15 minutes.Fiona
Eli: Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.
Matthew: Eli, you're never going to see her again.
Eli: Oh, you know what? Fine!
Eli: Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! Fuck her for me! For me!
Lloyd: This isn't my real job, you know.
Lloyd: Nope. My friend Harry and I are saving up to open our own pet store.
Mary: That's nice.
Lloyd: I got worms!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Lloyd: That's what we're gonna call it. "I Got Worms!" We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms.
Oh man! How'd you get the beans above the frank?!Mary's Stepfather
Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.Ted
Harold: [riding a cheetah] Dude, am I really high, or is this actually working?
I'll be honest with you, I love his music, I do, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman."Bob Slydell