Agent 99: I used to look like my mom.
Maxwell Smart: I used to look like two of my moms put together.

Big Black Guy: You beatin' 10 cops. How come I don't see no bruises on you?
Billy Ray Valentine: 'Cause I'm a karate man, see! And a karate man bruises on the inside! They don't show their weakness. But you don't know that because you're a big Barry White looking motherfucker!

I didn't know that horse was a diabetic!


Nadia: [takes off her panties]
Jim: Holy shit.
Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member: [together] Holy shit!
Enthusiastic Guy: [enthusiastically] Holy shit!

I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech.

Dr. Lester

Walter: [whispering] I think we should call security.
Deb: [whispering] Good idea.
Buddy: [whispering] I like to whisper too!

Tommy: No offense, but if I showed a picture of your mom to some of my buddies at school, she'd definitely be "Boner of the Month."
Paul: I'm honored. Is there anything to do in this town besides eat?

Frank Falenczyk: Does that mean you're my sponser?
Tom: Does that mean you're asking?
Frank Falenczyk: Is this the part where we kiss?

Worrying about your kids is sanity, and being that sane... can drive you nuts

John Clasky

I can't wait to take leave so I can get me some fucking poontang.

Mr. Garrison

I would definitely bring protection.


Would you look at that body language? Legs crossed towards each other. That is an unequivocal sex invite.


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