Favorite Comedy Quotes
Agent 99: I used to look like my mom.
Maxwell Smart: I used to look like two of my moms put together.
Big Black Guy: You beatin' 10 cops. How come I don't see no bruises on you?
Billy Ray Valentine: 'Cause I'm a karate man, see! And a karate man bruises on the inside! They don't show their weakness. But you don't know that because you're a big Barry White looking motherfucker!
I didn't know that horse was a diabetic!Kenny
Nadia: [takes off her panties]
Jim: Holy shit.
Finch: HOLY SHIT!
Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member: [together] Holy shit!
Enthusiastic Guy: [enthusiastically] Holy shit!
I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech.Dr. Lester
Walter: [whispering] I think we should call security.
Deb: [whispering] Good idea.
Buddy: [whispering] I like to whisper too!
Tommy: No offense, but if I showed a picture of your mom to some of my buddies at school, she'd definitely be "Boner of the Month."
Paul: I'm honored. Is there anything to do in this town besides eat?
Frank Falenczyk: Does that mean you're my sponser?
Tom: Does that mean you're asking?
Frank Falenczyk: Is this the part where we kiss?
Worrying about your kids is sanity, and being that sane... can drive you nutsJohn Clasky
I can't wait to take leave so I can get me some fucking poontang.Mr. Garrison
I would definitely bring protection.Thomas
Would you look at that body language? Legs crossed towards each other. That is an unequivocal sex invite.Cher