Favorite Comedy Quotes
...you do this thing... it's so cute I wanna kill myself.Ben
[to his friends on megaphone] Quick break, everybody. There's some nice Pakistani cold cuts there, courtesy of Mrs. Segal.Ben
Ben: You know what's really great about baseball?
Lindsey Meeks: Hmm?
Ben: You can't fake it. You know, anything else in life you don't have to be great in. Business, music, art. I mean you can get lucky.
Lindsey Meeks: Really?
Ben: Yeah, you can fool everyone for awhile, you know? It's like... not... not baseball. You either hit a curveball or you can't. That's the way it works.
Ben: You can have a lucky day, sure, but you can't have a lucky career. It's a little like math. It's orderly. Win or lose, it's fair. It all adds up. It's, like, not as confusing or as ambiguous as, uh...
Lindsey Meeks: Life?
Ben: Yeah. It's... it's safe.
[reciting] I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food.Sharks
Rasputia: [after Norbit discovers Buster and Rasputia in bed] Norbit, how dare you? Buster is a guest in our home!
Buster: Yeah, ORBIT! How dare you make such an accu-sa-si-tion!
Rasputia: What... the...? What just fell on my car?
Mr. Wong: Not what - who! Who just fell on your car? Ching chong ching chong!
Are you a pothead, Focker?Jack Byrnes
Jack Byrnes: I mean, can you really trust another human being, Greg?
Greg Focker: Yeah, I think so.
Jack Byrnes: No. The answer is you can not.
Jack Byrnes: I'm just curious, did you pick the color of the car?
Greg Focker: Uh no, the guy at the window did, why?
Jack Byrnes: Well they say geniuses pick green.
Greg Focker: Oh.
Jack Byrnes: But you didn't pick it.
I'm gonna go upstairs and pay a visit to the shower fairy.Greg Focker
I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker.Jack Byrnes