Favorite Comedy Quotes
Wait Vanessa, I can explain. You see, I was looking for Dr. Evil when the Fembots came out and smoke started coming out of their jomblies. So I started to work my mojo, to counter their mojo; we got cross-mojulation, and their heads started exploding.Austin Powers
Jake: If you say no, Elwood and I will come here for breakfast, lunch, and dinner... every day of the week.
Mr. Fabulous: Okay, okay. You got me. I'll play.
Cover me, Dicklips!Kirk Lazarus
Mary: Did you mean what you said up there?
Ted: Well ya I just want you to be happy Mary.
Mary: But I'd be happiest with you.
[to Ben] You wouldn't last one day out here!James
I'm never as good as when you're there.Russell Hammond
Bartleby Gaines: Hey Shrad, do you know any places up near Harmon we can rent?
Sherman Schrader: Oh, yeah I do, actually. I carry around a list with me at all times of abandoned buildings for fake colleges.
It's me! It's me, Alan, Mom and Dad! I'm home! I'm back!Alan Parrish
Carrie Bradshaw: Well hunny, what have you been eating?
Samantha Jones: Everything except Dante's dick.
I feel like Danny Glover before he got too old for this shit.Justin
Rabbi Jake Schram: Jews want their rabbis to be the kind of Jews they don't have the time to be.
Father Brian Finn: Yeah, and Catholics want their priests to be the kind of Catholics they don't have the discipline to be.
Inigo Montoya: [drunk] I - am - waiting - for - Vizzini...
Fezzik: You surely are a meanie.
Inigo Montoya: [smiles]
Inigo Montoya: It's you.