Favorite Comedy Quotes
[Frank Drebin is angrily breaking up with Jane Spencer]
Frank: Oh, and one more thing: I faked every orgasm!
Jane: [heartbroken] Oh, Funny Face.
[offering a cigar]
Vincent Ludwig: Cuban?
Frank: No, Dutch-Irish. My father was from Wales.
Protecting the Queen's safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.Frank
I've finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love... without utensils.Frank
Jane: How could you do something so vicious
Vincent Ludwig: It was easy my dear. You forget I spent two years as a building contractor.
Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.
Truck Driver: [shouts] Ya dumb broad!
Driving instructor: All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done.
Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let's just stick to dinner.
Vincent Ludwig: Drebin!
Frank: You're both right.
[sings] Oh say can you see / By the dawn's early light / What so proudly we hail / In the twilight's last gleaming? / Whose bright stripes and broad stars / In the perilous night / For the ramparts we watched / uh, da-da-da-da-da-daaaa. / And the rocket's red glare / Lots of bombs in the air / Gave proof to the night / That we still had our flag. / Oh say does that flag banner wave / Over a-a-all that's free / And the home of the land / And the land of the - FREE!Frank
Lt. Frank Drebin: How are the children?
Jane Spencer: We didn't have any children.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, of course.
Jane Spencer: How was your prostate operation?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Oh, good. Fine. Never been better.
Dr. Mainheimer: It's a terrible thing that's happened here, Lieutenant. I do hope you will find the people responsible.
Lt. Frank Drebin: I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.