Favorite Comedy Quotes
Frank: It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.
Jane: I've heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That's why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.
Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.Frank
Ed: A hunch won't stand up in court, Frank. What we need are hard facts.
Frank: Look, Ed. Ludwig was the only one besides us who knew Nordberg was still alive. Next thing you know, some thug tries to knock him off in the hospital.
Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig's office without a warrant, you're taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.
Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eatFrank
Frank: Interesting... Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.
[Frank Drebin is angrily breaking up with Jane Spencer]
Frank: Oh, and one more thing: I faked every orgasm!
Jane: [heartbroken] Oh, Funny Face.
[offering a cigar]
Vincent Ludwig: Cuban?
Frank: No, Dutch-Irish. My father was from Wales.
Protecting the Queen's safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.Frank
I've finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love... without utensils.Frank
Jane: How could you do something so vicious
Vincent Ludwig: It was easy my dear. You forget I spent two years as a building contractor.
Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.