Favorite Comedy Quotes
Peter: Do you need a plastic bag, or....
Sydney: Oh no. I don't clean up after my dog.
She called me and asked for my number.Steve Stifler
Toula Portokalos: What happened? Biker fight? nose job? What?
Ian Miller: Uh... yeah.
Toula Portokalos: No, really.
Ian Miller: You don't want to know.
Toula Portokalos: Oh I don't know. If I had survived an old lady ass-kicking I would want to brag about it.
You can stick this marriage right in your bottom.Wendy
Jack Byrnes: Oh, geez. I just thought of something.
Dina Byrnes: What?
Jack Byrnes: Pam's middle name.
Dina Byrnes: Martha... Oh, no.
Jack Byrnes, Dina Byrnes: Pamela Martha Focker.
Pitka: How do you do? Shrimp?
Coach Cherkov: What did you call me?
Pitka: I'm sorry I didn't catch your gnome. NAME! You are a midget.
if you're always thinking about the future, then you kinda forget about the present.Van Wilder
Thomas: Should I wear my top up ...
[lifts top up]
Thomas: ... or down?
[pulls top down]
Thomas: Or up!
[pulls top up again]
Thomas: Or possibly... tucked in?
[tucks in top]
Dude, am I ugly?Klitz
Rufus: You are the great great great great great GREAT great grand-niece ... of Jesus Christ.
Jay: So that would make Bethany... part black?
Lord Farquaad: Tell me where are the others.
Gingerbread Man: Eat me.
Rachel Rose: You write all your own sermons, right?
Rabbi Jake Schram: Actually I download them off the net, there's this great site www.hotgod.com.
Rachel Rose: Really?
[Anna kicks him under the table]
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Ooh hoo, no.