Favorite Comedy Quotes
Ellen Griswold: I think I broke my nose.
Rusty Griswold: I stabbed my brain.
Audrey Griswold: I just got my period.
Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor.Harry Doyle
We've never made great husbands, have we? Of course, I have a good excuse. I'm half gay.Alistair Hennessey
Tibby: So Kostos isn't married. Why can't you just stop thinking about it and follow your heart?
Lena: Because...he broke my heart!
Tugg Speedman: Now, let's go get those Viet Congs.
[cocks his gun]
Alpa Chino: "Viet Cong!"
Tugg Speedman: What?
Alpa Chino: It's "viet cong." There's no "s," it's already plural. You wouldn't say "Chineses..."
Rabbi Jake Schram: Oy.
Father Brian Finn: Amen to your oy.
Sydney: Hey check out these, too. That guy needs to fart.
Peter: That guy seems to be clenching.
You might think it upset me that Paul Metzler had decided to run against me but nothing could be further from the truth. He was no competition for me; it was like apples and oranges. I had to work a little harder, that's all, see I believe in the voters; they understand that elections aren't just popularity contests, they know this country was built by people just like me who work very hard and don't have everything handed to them on a silver spoon. Not like some rich kids who everybody likes because their fathers owns Metzlers cement and give them trucks on their 16th birthday and throw them big parties all the time. No, they don't ever have to work for anything. They think they can just all of a sudden one day out of the blue waltz right in with no qualifications what's so ever and try to take away what other people have worked very, very hard for their entire lives. No, it didn't bother me at all.Tracy Flick
Fuck this weed is good.Eric
Mr. Potato Head: Can we stop? My parts are killing me.
Buzz Lightyear: How about a quick roll call? Everybody here?
Mr. Potato Head: Not everybody.
Buzz Lightyear: Who's behind?
Slinky Dog: Mine...
[running ahead of giant gingerbread man] Run, run as fast as you can!Donkey
Go home. Movie's over. Get the fuck out of here.Sergio Roma