Favorite Comedy Quotes
Lee: Stop, I'm sick of your bullshit.
James Carter: And I'm sick of you! I'm not the one running up in Karaoke bars full of gangsters. And I'm not the one running up in massage parlors looking for crime lords.
Lee: Carter, you don't understand.
James Carter: Oh I understand, man. I got knocked off a building, I got beat on, I got stripped butt-naked and you held out on me. I'm outta here.
Lee: These men are Triads. The most deadly gang in China.
James Carter: You think they scare me? I'm from Los Angeles, man. We invented gangs!
If you ain't gonna shoot him Kung-Fu his ass or somethin'.James Carter
James Carter: Now why did you say it was a bomb.
Lee: You said it was a bomb!
James Carter: I did not.
Lee: In the hotel, you said it was a bomb.
James Carter: I said 'she was the bomb'.
Lee: She was the bomb?
Isabella: I need your help.
Lee: Last time you needed my help, I woke up in a truck.
James Carter: How come you ain't got no black people performing in this casino? We ain't good enough for you?
Pit Boss: We got Lionel Ritchie!
James Carter: Lionel Ritchie ain't been black since the commodores!
Lee: You owe me a copy of the Beach Boy's greatest hits.
James Carter: Don't you go having gettin' an attitude with me Lee. I been here three days and ain't done nothin' but work your cases. The only reason why I'm here in Hong Kong is 'cause you said you was gonna show me a good time. I'm on vacation, man! and I want some mu shu.
Lee: Mushu, you hungry?
James Carter: No, not mushu? MU shu. I want to see some women man. Now, stop playing dumb and take me to the SHU.
What was that? Did you just pick up another case? Did we just take another damn case on my vacation?James Carter
What in the hell is going on up in here? Am I the only one listening to this? The man destroyin' a classic! BOO!James Carter
Joel Goodson: Don't steal anything. If I come back here and anything's missing, I'm going straight to the police. I mean it.
Lana: Go to school, Joel. Learn something.
College women can smell ignorance... like dog shit.Joel Goodson