Favorite Comedy Quotes
You ever see the back of a twenty dollar bill... on weed? Oh, there's some crazy shit, man. There's a dude in the bushes. Has he got a gun? I dunno! RED TEAM GO, RED TEAM GO.Enhancement Smoker
Leon the Snowman: By the way don't eat the yellow snow.
Buddy: Oh, I know that.
Janine, someone with your qualifications would have no trouble finding a top-flight job in either the food service or housekeeping industries.Dr. Peter Venkman
Michael Newman: [reading off letter] Like I Said, "Good Guys Need A Break". I know you'll do the right thing this time. Love Morty. P.S. Your Wife's Rockin' Body Still Drives Me Crazy.
Michael Newman: Okay, Morty.
[Throws the universal remote into the bin]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Werewolf?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What?
Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?
Igor: I thought you wanted to.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, I don't want to.
Igor: Suit yourself. I'm easy.
Foster: Okie silly dilly dokie-o. I'm an idiot.
Mac: That's true.
Dean Vernon Wormer: Mr. Kroger: two C's, two D's and an F. That's a 1.2 grade average. Congratulations, Kroger. You're at the top of the Delta pledge class. Mr. Dorfman?
Dean Vernon Wormer: Zero point two... Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. Mr. Hoover, president of Delta house? One point six; four C's and an F. A fine example you set! Daniel Simpson Day... HAS no grade point average. All courses incomplete. Mr. Blu - MR. BLUTARSKY... ZERO POINT ZERO.
This is the West, not the East. The sun may rise where we come from... but here is where it sets.Chon Wang
Rail Crossing Crowd #2: Your breath smells like alcohol!
Hancock: That's cause I've been drinking bitch!
Friend: Are you sure Applebee's is the best place to meet hot women?
Rick: You thinking Olive Garden?
Dale Doback: Why are you so sweaty?
Brennan Huff: I was watching Cops.
You don't have what they call "the social skills." That's why you never have any friends, 'cept fo' yo' mama.Mama Boucher