Favorite Comedy Quotes
Mike: Hi, how are you ladies doing this evening?
Girl at the Party: What do you drive?
Did you guys ever WATCH the show?Guy Fleegman
Mark: Don't put me in this position where I have to fuck my way out of a corner!
Leo: He'll do it too. I've seen him.
You sound like you're from London!Surfing Instructor
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.President Merkin Muffley
Billy Ray Valentine: What if I can't do this job, Coleman? What if I'm not what they expected?
Coleman: Just be yourself, sir. Whatever happens, they can't take that away from you.
Jake: Maybe this one will put out unlike that cold fish, Jessica.
Jessica (in Clive's body): YOU GO TO HELL!
Jessica (in Clive's body): Whoever left these showers on, go to hell.
Billy Ray: Merry New Year!
Beeks: That's "happy." In this country we say "Happy New Year."
Billy Ray: Oh, ho, ho, thank you for correcting my English which stinks!
I had a... hankerin' to be an actor when I was a young feller when I got out of the Coast Guard, but I... I went to taxidermy school instead... well, I took a correspondence course.Clifford Wooley
I'm trying to get you laid, I'd appreciate a little help!Jack
This here is for my special lady. Lia. I'm gonna say that one more time. Lia.Tank Evans
You know what they say about women and trolley cars. There's plenty of 'em in the sea.William