Dr. Evil: Okay, here's the plan. We get the warhead and then hold the world ransom for... 1 MILLION dollars!
Number Two: Sir, strictly speaking, a million dollars will not go very far these days. Virtucon alone makes over 9 billion dollars a year.
Dr. Evil: Really? Okay then... we hold the world ransom for one... hundred... BILLION dollars!!!

Steve's gotta go drain the sea-monster.

Steve the Pirate

Phil: It's the same things your whole life. "Clean up your room." "Stand up straight." "Pick up your feet." "Take it like a man." "Be nice to your sister." "Don't mix beer and wine, ever." Oh yeah, "Don't drive on the railroad track."
Gus: Eh, Phil. That's one I happen to agree with.

"Can't believe so much bad shit can happen on such a beautiful day."

Miles Logan

Please don't ruin my childhood

Joey Naylor

Stu Price: We don't want to call attention to ourselves!
Phil Wenneck: [while driving a squad car on the sidewalk and using the loudspeaker] Attention! Attention!

Marianne, can you play something else? Mamma has been weeping since breakfast. I meant something less mournful dearest.

Elinor Dashwood

Where are all the white women at?

Gunman at Fair in Final Scene

Free cable is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

Chip Douglas

There is no way this winter is ever going to end as long as that groundhog keeps seeing his shadow. I don't see any way out of it. He's got to be stopped. And I have to stop him.


Shtarker: Too bad about all the dead movie stars.
Siegfried: Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice.

Richard: Mr. Wilder here is quite the collegian. He's in his, what? sixth year?
Van Wilder: Actually, its lucky number seven.

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