Favorite Comedy Quotes
Terrence: Well, Phillip, I hope you've learned something from this whole experience.
Phillip: I sure have, Terrance. I've learned that you are a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck face.
Terrence: [they laugh] Wanna see the northern lights?
[strikes a match, farts, burns up]
Phillip: Ha ha ha. You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. Ha ha ha.
Terrence: I sure did, Philip!
I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.Jim
I'm gonna kick your ass and then I'll take your ass to jail.Carter
Jim: Uh-oh, Bart. I think Mongo here's taken a liking to you.
Mongo: Huh-huh, naw, Mongo straight.
The space goes down, down baby, down, down the roller coaster. Sweet, sweet baby, sweet, sweet, don't let me go. Shimmy, shimmy, cocoa pop. Shimmy, shimmy, rock. Shimmy, shimmy, cocoa pop. Shimmy, shimmy, rock. I met a girlfriend - a triscuit. She said, a triscuit - a biscuit. Ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on the top. Ooh, Shelly's out, walking down the street, ten times a week. I read it. I said it. I stole my momma's credit. I'm cool. I'm hot. Sock me in the stomach three more times.Josh and Billy
[Reading a reward poster]
Roy O'Bannon: The Shanghai Kid. This is terrible!
Chon Wang: I know. I'm not from Shanghai.
William Shakespeare: Can you love a fool?
Viola De Lesseps: Can you love a player?
[slurred] I'm gonna rock your vagina.Carl Halabi
That's a terrible name for a detective. Sherlock Holmes?Roy
So speak up, America. Speak up for the home of the brave. Speak up for the land of the free gift with purchase. Speak up, America!Elle
WHAT? You went over my helmet?Dark Helmet
Everybody ready for a good time?Moe