Favorite Comedy Quotes
Willie 'Too Big' Hall: I say we give the blues brothers one more chance
Donald 'Duck' Dunn: Why not? If the shit fits, wear it.
Jake: If you say no, Elwood and I will come here for breakfast, lunch, and dinner... every day of the week.
Mr. Fabulous: Okay, okay. You got me. I'll play.
Elwood: We'll be all right if we can just get back on the expressway.
Jake: This don't look like no expressway to me, pal.
Elwood: Don't yell at me.
Jake: Well whadda you want me to do, Motorhead?
Elwood: Why da ya gotta be so negative all the time? Why can't ya offer some... constructive criticism?
Jake: You got us into to this parking lot, pal, so YOU get us out.
Elwood: You want outta this parking lot?... O.K.
Burton Mercer: This, gentlemen, is the elegant abode of one Elwood Blues.
Officer Mount: Yeah, thanks, Mr. Mercer.
Burton Mercer: You know, I kind of like the Wrigley Field bit.
Officer Mount: Yeah, real cute.
Don't you say a fucking word.Tucker McElroy
Jake: What are we doing here?
Elwood: You promised you'd visit the penguin the day you got out.
Jake: Yeah? So I lied to her.
Elwood: You can't lie to a nun. We got to go in and visit the penguin.
Jake: No... fucking... way.
Officer Mount: I don't believe it. It's that shit box Dodge again!
Trooper Daniel: Those bastards are ours now!
You are such a disappointing pair. I prayed so hard for you. It saddens and hurts me that the two young boys I taught to believe in the Ten Commandments have come back to me as two thieves. With filthy mouths. And bad attitudes. Get out... And don't come back until you've redeemed yourselves...Sister Mary Stigmata
[to the crowd] We certainly hope you all enjoy the show. And remember, people, that no matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there are still some things that makes us all the same. You. Me. Them. Everybody. Everybody!Elwood
People, when you do find that special somebody, you gotta hold that man, hold that woman! Love him, please him, squeeze her, please her! Signify your feelings with every gentle caress, because it's so important to have that special somebody to hold, to kiss, to miss, to squeeze, and please!Elwood
[after shooting at kid] Breaks my heart to see a boy that young goin' bad.Ray
Michael Newman: My schmeckel got bigger now that I'm older, just so you guys know that.
Trudy: It couldn't have gotten any smaller.
Ted: [Laughing] It looked like a litttle Tic Tac.
Michael Newman: Yeah, come, here, I'll freshen your breath.