Favorite Comedy Quotes
Joanna: So what do you wanna do?
Peter Gibbons: First I'm gonna take you out to dinner, and then I'm gonna go back to my apartment and watch kung fu. Do you ever watch kung fu?
Joanna: I love kung fu.
Peter Gibbons: Channel 39.
Peter Gibbons: You should come over and watch kung fu tonight.
Joanna: Ok. Ok. Can we order lunch first? Ok.
Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.Frank Drebin
Carla Dunkirk: You are headed for some serious trouble.
Matt Saunders: I hear you, Homegirl. I got it.
Anna McDoogles: I was just masturbating.
Mark Bellison: That... makes me think of your vagina
Sugar: [admiring a large fish trophy] What is it?
Junior: It's a member of the herring family.
Sugar: A herring? Isn't it amazing how they get those big fish into those little glass jars?
Junior: They shrink when they're marinated.
Rob: How does he do it, you ask. How does
Rob: how does an average guy like me become the number one lover-man in his particular postal district? He's grumpy, he's broke, he hangs out with the musical moron twins...
Heather McNamara: God, aren't they fed yet? Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?
Veronica Sawyer: Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians... Tator Tots. It's a real party continent.
You know what word I'm not comfortable with? Nuance. It's not a real word. Like gesture. Gesture's a real word. With gesture you know where you stand. But nuance? I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.Modell
So God is picking on you?Grace
Topper Harley: Nice place.
Ramada Thompson: It's okay. The only problem is I have a nosy landlady. Well, I guess this is goodnight.
Topper Harley: I don't want to go back.
Ramada Thompson: You don't have to. I don't want to be alone. And by the way... I can go all night, like a lumberjack!
Topper Harley: What about your landlady?
Ramada Thompson: You can do her too.
The urine stain on your pants signifies that you are a single-shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.Ace
Deputy Chief Hardy: Well I hoped never to see you again.
Schmidt: What's up, dawg?
Jenko: We back!
Deputy Chief Hardy: Ladies, nobody gave a s*** about the Jump Street reboot but you got lucky. So now this department has invested a lot of money to make sure Jump Street keeps going. The only problem is the Koreans bought the church back so we're moving you across the road to 22 Jump Street.