Favorite Comedy Quotes
April: Is your name really Clitz?
Klitz: Yeah, with a K.
Ferrari: Your name is Klitz?
Klitz: With a K.
[to Samnang] You better cure cancer, kid.Matthew
Hey, you guys know Matty? I hung with him last night. Guy's the tits.Kelly
Hi, I'm all wet. Can I come in?Danielle
Eli: Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.
Matt: A tripod?
Eli: Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs... WE. ALL. FALL!
Mrs. Kidman: Eli, do those girls go to your school?
Eli: Actually, no, Mrs. Kidman, they're porn stars.
Matthew: Hey, there's the big daddy!
Dr. Salinger: Matthew, what has been going on?
Matthew: Some serious shit.
Matthew: [high] Heyyy, it's my competition! Ryan, what's up my man?
Ryan: Jesus, what happened to you?
Matthew: Just living life, my man.
Kelly: Sometimes in life if you wanna do something good, you gotta do something bad.
Matthew: Yeah, but this is breaking and entering.
Kelly: This is politics.
You wanna be president? Lemme tell you the first rule of politics; Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze. You know what that means? It means you don't steal my girl unless you're ready to accept the consequences.Kelly
Kelly: If I'm gonna do this payment plan thing, I need a show of good faith, you know, something concrete.
Matthew: Well, like what?
Kelly: A blow job.
Matthew: Nah, I told you. She's not gonna do that anymore.
Kelly: Who said anything about her?