Favorite Comedy Quotes
Dude, what the fuck is wrong with German people?Stan
He helped Joshua fight the battle of Jericho, he helped Daniel get out the lion's den, he helped Gilligan get off the island.Rev. Brown
MacGruber: Your companion is a very beautiful young woman.
Dieter Von Cunth: Thank you.
MacGruber: I hope you enjoy being date raped, ma'am.
Dieter Von Cunth: This is my daughter.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Ray, pretend for a moment that I don't know anything about metallurgy, engineering, or physics, and just tell me what the hell is going on.
Dr Ray Stantz: You never studied
So long boys. See you in the funny papers.Big Dan Teague
[to wife] You're an inanimate fuckin' object!Harry
[Brodie's voice] One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrasing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.Brodie
[Asking the flight attendant] Could I get a real bottle please? I'm an alcoholic not a Barbie doll.Maggie Hoffman
Do you even know how to drive an automatic?Dave the Bear
Sergeant: Hello Nicholas.
Nicholas Angel: Hello Sergeant.
Sergeant: How's the hand?
Nicholas Angel: Still a bit stiff.
Sergeant: It can get awfully hairy out there. I'm surprised you weren't snapped up sooner for a nice desk job. That's what I'd do.
Nicholas Angel: I'm afraid I think my office is out on the street.
Sergeant: Indeed you do! Your arrest record is four hundred percent higher than any other officer, which is why it's high time that such... skills... were put to better use. We're making you sergeant.
Nicholas Angel: I see.
Nicholas Angel: In where, sorry?
Sergeant: In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
Nicholas Angel: But that's in the country...
Sergeant: Yes! Lovely!
Nicholas Angel: Isn't there a sergeant's position here in London?
Sergeant: Oh, no.
Nicholas Angel: Can I remain here as a PC?
Nicholas Angel: Do I have any choice in this?
Nicholas Angel: Sergeant, I kinda like it here.
Sergeant: Well, you've always wanted a transfer to the country.
Nicholas Angel: In twenty years or so, yes.
Sergeant: Well done you.
Susan Cooper: Where'd you get a suit?
Rick Ford: I fucking made it, didn't I?
Dr. Evil: The moon unit will be divided into two divisions: Moon Unit Alpha and Moon Unit Zappa.