Favorite Comedy Quotes
Joey: Are you lost?
Michael: No, actually I just came by to chat.
Joey: We don't chat.
Nancy Hayes: Jack, what do you think will happen if that money reaches those thugs.
Jack Ryan: I don't know. They'll probably have a hell of a luau.
Nancy Hayes: I mean to Walter!
Jack Ryan: We'll probably get invited.
Shannon Hamilton: That's it. You're dead, mallrat. I'm gonna fuck you up beyond repair.
Brodie: Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way is a pillar of the shopping community who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his to screw my girlfriend in an extremely uncomfortable place.
Gil Hicks: What... like the back of a Volkswagen?
Kumar: How are you still alive?
Neil Patrick Harris: What are you talking about?
Harold: We saw you get shot, remember?
Neil Patrick Harris: You have to be more specific...
Kumar: In that whore house?
Harold: In Texas?
Kumar: You branded a prostitute...
Neil Patrick Harris: Oh yeah...
We decided to leave town just one damn day to late!Valentine McKee
Rasputia: What... the...? What just fell on my car?
Mr. Wong: Not what - who! Who just fell on your car? Ching chong ching chong!
Margaret: Do you think he'll kneel down when he asks her?
Margaret: They always kneel down.
Ever since you showed up, Todd's been acting like a different person!Jamie
Sergeant Hulka: Men, welcome to the United States Army. I'm Sergeant Hulka. I'm your drill sergeant. Before we proceed any further, we gotta get something straight. Your mamas are not here to take care of you now. It's just you, me, and Uncle Sam. And before I leave you, you're gonna find out that me and Uncle Sam are one in the same.
John Winger: Uncle Hulka?
Jack: [In Elevator] Did you hear that?
Nick Naylor: [pause] No.
I tried to stand up and fly straight, but it wasn't easy with that sumbitch Reagan in the White House. I dunno. They say he's a decent man, so maybe his advisors are confused.H.I.
Cher: Would you call me selfish?
Dionne: No, not to your face.