Favorite Comedy Quotes
It's brown water! I'm paying seven-hundred dollars a month, I got rats with bongos and a, and a frog and I got brown water here.Isaac Davis
Thank you for the cookies. I look forward to tossing them.Julius Benedict
Richard Vernon: You're not fooling anyone Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you.
Bender: Eat my shorts.
Richard Vernon: What was that?
Bender: Eat... My... Shorts.
Richard Vernon: You just bought yourself another Saturday.
Bender: Ooh, I'm crushed.
Richard Vernon: You just bought one more.
Bender: Well I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar.
I'll kick everyone's ass in this room!Mike Dexter
Maybe that's what hell is, an entire eternity spent in Bruges.Ray
Roy: There's this new thing they're starting out in California: moving pictures. There's no sound, so we won't have to worry about the language problem, and I think the kung fu stuff could be huge! People are dying for a good action flick.
Chon Wang: Chon Wang...
[sounds like "John Wayne"]
Chon Wang: ...movie star? It could work.
Friends don't fuck with each other's business.Kelly
Jamie: You learned English?
Aurelia: Just in cases.
Donkey: Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: That would be my home.
Donkey: Oh and it is LOVELY. You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.
Vincent Cadby: [Ace moans and howls upon entering a room sporting numerous stuffed animal heads] Something wrong, Mr. Ventura?
Ace: Of course not. This is a lovely room of death.
Andrew Largeman: Can you imagine being the guy whose job it is to argue for the right to build a mall on top of a geological phenomenon?
Mark: They love their malls here, man.
Shrek and I drank this potion and now... we're sexy!Donkey