Favorite Comedy Quotes
You're the only boy who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.Jessica
Harry: Right, the Christmas party. Not my favourite night of the year and your unhappy job to organise.
Mia: So tell me.
Harry: Pretty basic really. Find a venue, overorder on the drinks, bulk buy the guacamole and advise the girls to avoid Kevin if they want their breasts unfondled.
Younger Cop: And was there anything of value in the car?
The Dude: Oh, uh, yeah, uh... a tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a, uh... uh, my briefcase.
Younger Cop: [expectant pause] In the briefcase?
The Dude: Uh, uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, uh, my papers, business papers.
Younger Cop: And what do you do, sir?
The Dude: I'm unemployed.
Jack Byrnes: "My Mother", by Jack Byrnes. You gave me life, / You gave me milk, / You gave me courage. / Your name was Angela, / An angel from Heaven, / But you were also an angel of God, / And he needed you, too. / I selfishly tried to hold on to you, / While the cancer ate away at your organs, / Like an unstoppable rebel force, / And now we'll meet in Heaven, / And I shall see you / Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore.
Pam Byrnes: Dad, that's beautiful.
Greg Focker: That's amazing, so much love, and also so much information.
[rides a moped up a ramp] I AM SO BADASS!Susan Cooper
That movie has warped my fragile little mind.Cartman
Bill Ubell: Captain, I am required by law to notify the bank of any illegal activities...
Steve Zissou: Just do what you gotta do to cover your ass, Bill.
Kevin: Hey Stifler, how's the pale ale?
Steve Stifler: Fuck you!
Fletcher: You lied about your age to make yourself older, but why would any woman WANNA DO THAT?
Samantha: I changed it so I could get married.
Fletcher: AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!
You screwed up their lives? And by doing that, you decided to screw up our lives? Asshole!Doug Madsen
Francis Fratelli: Get the rope here. Slothy, Slothy, jumprope Slothy.
Jake Fratelli: What do you mean jump rope?
Francis FratelliJake Fratelli: Jumprope! Jumprope.
Francis FratelliJake Fratelli: Ring around the rosie, pocket full of posies...
Sloth: [Sloth rips off his shirt revealing a T-Shirt with the Superman 'S' on the front] Sloth!
Jake Fratelli: We're in deep shit now, Francis.
Francis Fratelli: Oh, shit!
You're an old man, I don't want to fight you.Larry
[Gus punches Larry in the face]