Favorite Comedy Quotes
Travis: I joined this program and there's steps. There's... uh...
Travis: Yeah, how'd you know?
Cher: Wild guess.
Cher: Would you call me selfish?
Dionne: No, not to your face.
Mel: So, what did you do in school today?
Cher: Well, I broke in my purple clogs.
Cher: Are you talking about drugs?
Cher: Tai, how old are you?
Tai: I'll be 16 in May.
Cher: My birthday is in April and as someone older, can I please give you some advice? It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day.
Cher: I want to do something for humanity.
Josh: How about sterilization?
Murray: Woman, lend me fi' dollas.
Dionne: Murray, I have asked you repeatedly not to call me "woman".
Murray: Excuse me, "Ms. Dionne."
Dionne: Thank you.
Murray: Okay, but, street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily in misogynistic undertones.
Dionne: Phat! Did you write that?
Cher: Duh. It's like a famous quote.
Dionne: From where?
Cher: Cliff's Notes.
Mel: What the hell is that?
Cher: A dress.
Mel: Says who?
Cher: Calvin Klein.
Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.Cher
Josh: You want to practice parking?
Cher: What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet.
Tai: I could really use some sort of herbal refreshment.
Dionne: Oh, well we do lunch in ten minutes. We don't have any tea, but we have Coke and stuff.
Tai: No shit. You guys got Coke here?
Dionne: Well, yeah.
Cher: Yeah, this is America.
Tai: Cher, you're a virgin?
Cher: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dionne: Besides, the PC term is "Hymenally challenged."