Favorite Comedy Quotes
That's the beauty of argument, if you argue correctly, you're never wrong.Nick Naylor
Alison Scott: I'm pregnant.
Ben Stone: You mean, with emotion?
Kevin: What's up?
Janis: Can I help you?
Kevin: You Puerto Rican?
Kevin: I feel that.
Gary: Is that how you want to play it? Cause I'll play it like that. I'll play it like Lionel Richie, all night long, lady. Oh yeah. I'll call some guys from my neck of the woods. And we're not talking about, Brooke, about a couple of queens who know a few grapples. We're talking about Polacks that don't have a goddamn future. That's right. We can make shit real uncomfortable around here, and that's what we're going to do.
Brooke: Please, come on. You know what, you're just embarrassed because Richard kicked your ass.
Darling, I am truly unhappy to have to tell you this, but through an unfortunate and entirely unforeseeable series of circumstances that had nothing whatsoever to do with me, poor Will has been press-ganged into Davy Jones's crew.Jack Sparrow
You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.Juno MacGuff
Do you fear... death? Do you fear that dark abyss? All your deeds laid bare, all your sins punished?Davy Jones
[Dana is possessed]
Dr. Peter Venkman: I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people.
[Dana starts passionately making out with him]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Actually, it's more of a guideline than a rule...
[referring to Deb's milk] I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.Napoleon Dynamite
Officer Michaels: Yeah McLovin, how is it going with the ladies?
Fogell: It's not the "going" I'm worried about... but the "coming."
Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!The Dude
I bet if I asked him to play a game of Quidditch he'd cum himself.Danny