Favorite Comedy Quotes
Talk to the cleaning lady on Monday. Because you'll be dust by Monday. Because you'll be pulverized in two seconds. The cleaning lady? She cleans up... dust. She dusts.Todd Ingram
I bet if I asked him to play a game of Quidditch he'd cum himself.Danny
[Dana is possessed]
Dr. Peter Venkman: I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people.
[Dana starts passionately making out with him]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Actually, it's more of a guideline than a rule...
Gary: Is that how you want to play it? Cause I'll play it like that. I'll play it like Lionel Richie, all night long, lady. Oh yeah. I'll call some guys from my neck of the woods. And we're not talking about, Brooke, about a couple of queens who know a few grapples. We're talking about Polacks that don't have a goddamn future. That's right. We can make shit real uncomfortable around here, and that's what we're going to do.
Brooke: Please, come on. You know what, you're just embarrassed because Richard kicked your ass.
Jack Sparrow: Mr. Gibbs.
Jack Sparrow: We have a need to travel upriver.
Gibbs: By "need," do you mean a trifling need? Fleeting? As in, say, a fancy?
Jack Sparrow: No, a resolute and unyielding need.
Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!The Dude
Kevin: What's up?
Janis: Can I help you?
Kevin: You Puerto Rican?
Kevin: I feel that.
Darling, I am truly unhappy to have to tell you this, but through an unfortunate and entirely unforeseeable series of circumstances that had nothing whatsoever to do with me, poor Will has been press-ganged into Davy Jones's crew.Jack Sparrow
Do you fear... death? Do you fear that dark abyss? All your deeds laid bare, all your sins punished?Davy Jones
You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.Juno MacGuff
Jimmy: I call top bunk!
Chazz: No, I already did.
Jimmy: No you didn't.
Chazz: Yes I did. In my mind.
She-lika-da-way your dick taste!Jonah