Favorite Comedy Quotes
Patrick: I thought for sure I was busted when I was climbing out that window, I tell you. So, how did you keep him distracted?
Kat Stratford: Oh, I dazzled him with my... wits.
I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster and drank pina coladas. At sunset we made love like sea otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over and over and over...Phil
[while urinating neon green liquid] Jeez, it's like Shrek's piss.Danny
Ned Flanders: Thank you, Lord, for this bountiful...
Ned Flanders: [screams]
Ned Flanders: PENIS!
Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders: [devoutly] ... bountiful penis.
Todd Flanders: Amen.
Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss* ...
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us* ...
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm* ...
Fezzik: He's really very short on *charm* ...
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
William Miller: I have to go home.
Penny Lane: You are home.
Admiral Benson: I slipped on a crab. Who put that crab there?
Lt. Commander Block: I don't see any crab, sir.
Admiral Benson: Don't tell me. There were two crabs. They work in pairs. I went to Annapolis for chrissakes!
I wish monkeys could skype.Alan
Surfing Instructor: If you get bitten by a shark, you're not just gonna give up surfing, are you?
Peter Bretter: ...yeah, probably
Sister EncarnaciÃ³n: Ignacio, I have been looking all over for you, where have you been?
Nacho: I have been here. I have been sleeping.
Sister EncarnaciÃ³n: In a frilly shirt and slacks?
Nacho: They are my PJ's
Brian Johnson: I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?
John Bender: No. You're a genius because you can't make a lamp.
I'm a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time?Hitch