Favorite Comedy Quotes
Jimmy: She's ainâ€™t my girlfriend. She's a prostitute.
Ken: I am not aware that there are any prostitutes in Bruges.
Jimmy: You just have to look in the right places. Brothels are good.
Julien: [King Julian has popped out from a cake] Hey, surprise, freaks! I am coming with you!
Alex: Oh ho ho, no, thank you.
Julien: Oh, *yes*, thank you. It is *my* plane!
Puss-in-Boots: Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.
Shrek: Join the club. We got jackets.
Randal Graves: All right, look, there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."
Hobbit Lover: Oh, Star Wars geek.
Randal Graves: Oh, I'm the geek? Look at you two whipping out your preciouses.
Elias: You'll have to excuse him, he's not "down" with the trilogy.
Randal Graves: Oh, what the fuck happened to this world? There's only one trilogy, you fucking morons.
Mother-in-Law: In my day, the women stayed home. Not the lazy men.
Bobby Davis: In your day, men were busy building pyramids!
Larry: Was she deaf? She seems a bit unresponsive.
Rebecca: That's because she's a statue...
Abandon ship! Abandon ship! Women and mogs first!Barf
It walks... like a man!Shaw
This concludes our broadcast day. Click.Chip Douglas
It isn't that I'm sorry I killed them; it's that I'm sorry I killed them badly.Frank Falenczyk
Buddy: You're a fake.
Gimbel's Santa: I'm a fake?
Gimbel's Santa: How'd you like to be dead, huh? Ho, ho, just kidding.
Buddy: You stink.
Gimbel's Santa: I think you're gonna have a good Christmas, all right.
Buddy: You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa.
Ed Hocken: We heard about you and Jane.
Frank Drebin: Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.