Favorite Comedy Quotes
Earl Bassett: Must be a million of them!
Valentine McKee: Nope, just one!
Woody Stevens: [a large yard is full of a bunch of leaves] Well go home Toby! You make me sick!
Toby: I can't do this many leaves for $10!
Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do once a plan fails!Earl Bassett
Dudley Frank: Im looking foward to the parade this year. I got little tootsi rolls to throw to the kids.
Woody Stevens: Tootsi rolls? You cannot even put on your left blinker without wiping out.
Valentine McKee: Good luck, shithead.
Earl Bassett: Don't worry about me, jerkoff.
I have a girlfriend, beat that out of me, bitch.Dudley Frank
Earl Bassett: They must be long gone by now.
Valentine McKee: Yeah. Hey, why don't you go take a little stroll and find out?
Maggie: That's too bad. I wanted you to try my chili. It's pretty hot.
Dudley Frank: No, I'll try it. I like your kind of hot. Chili, chili hot. Food hot. That's the hot I want to kiss.
Earl Bassett: No breakfast?
Valentine McKee: I did it yesterday. It was baloney and beans.
Earl Bassett: No, it was eggs. I made eggs. Over easy.
Valentine McKee: The hell you did! Baloney and beans. It's your turn!
Charley: Needless to say, we don't carry firearms anymore. Sometimes you pull them out and think they're not loaded, and...
Bobby Davis: You blow your deputy's ear off.
Well, I guess when I'm your age, I'll forget what I eat, too.Valentine McKee
Doug Madsen: Woody, sorry I said you had ego issues.
Woody Stevens: Sorry I said you were a pussy.
Doug Madsen: You didn't call me a pussy.
Woody Stevens: Well not to your face, but that's what I was thinking.