Favorite Comedy Quotes
Valentine McKee: We can't hold still long! These things are damn smart! They're getting smarter by the minute!
Burt Gummer: That's fine! [holds up a stick of dynamite] We got some new things to teach 'em!
Rhonda LeBeck: They only respond to vibration, right? Couldn't we... distract them somehow?
Valentine McKee: Yeah, something to keep 'em busy, like a... like a decoy!
Earl Bassett: Hey Melvin... wanna make a buck?
That's how they get you. They're under the goddamn ground!Valentine McKee
[hearing music underground] So where the hell's that goddamn golden oldie comin' from?Valentine McKee
You screwed up their lives? And by doing that, you decided to screw up our lives? Asshole!Doug Madsen
What the hell is going on! I mean what the hell is going on!Valentine McKee
I've got a goddamn plan!Valentine McKee
Jack: You're gonna pay a disobedience fee of $10,000, plus another $40,000 to rebuild the bar. If you don't, we're gonna break your friends legs here.
Dudley Frank: Don't bring the money! I'm a computer programmer! I don't need my legs!
Jack: Fine, we'll break his hands!
Dudley Frank: Oh dammit. Bring the money!
Earl Bassett: Hey, Rhonda, you ever seen anything like this before?
Valentine McKee: Oh, sure, Earl. Everyone knows about them, we just didn't tell you.
Dudley Frank: [upon seeing Maggie] She's perfect for me. I wanted to say something funny, but all I could think of was black jokes.
Bobby Davis: Do tell... which ones? Why don't you tell the one that ends with me beating your ass?
Earl Bassett: What kind of fuse is that?
Burt Gummer: Cannon fuse.
Earl Bassett: What the hell do you use it for?
Burt Gummer: My cannon!
Earl Bassett: Dammit, I'm gonna kick his ass!
Valentine McKee: I'm gonna help you.