Favorite Comedy Quotes
Earl Bassett: They must be long gone by now.
Valentine McKee: Yeah. Hey, why don't you go take a little stroll and find out?
Maggie: That's too bad. I wanted you to try my chili. It's pretty hot.
Dudley Frank: No, I'll try it. I like your kind of hot. Chili, chili hot. Food hot. That's the hot I want to kiss.
Earl Bassett: No breakfast?
Valentine McKee: I did it yesterday. It was baloney and beans.
Earl Bassett: No, it was eggs. I made eggs. Over easy.
Valentine McKee: The hell you did! Baloney and beans. It's your turn!
Charley: Needless to say, we don't carry firearms anymore. Sometimes you pull them out and think they're not loaded, and...
Bobby Davis: You blow your deputy's ear off.
Well, I guess when I'm your age, I'll forget what I eat, too.Valentine McKee
Doug Madsen: Woody, sorry I said you had ego issues.
Woody Stevens: Sorry I said you were a pussy.
Doug Madsen: You didn't call me a pussy.
Woody Stevens: Well not to your face, but that's what I was thinking.
Earl Bassett: What're you bringin' that vacuum cleaner, for?
Valentine McKee: I like this vacuum cleaner.
Earl Bassett: Y'never use it.
Valentine McKee: Well, it's good for parts.
Valentine McKee: What's it doing, Rhonda?
Rhonda LeBeck: Why do you keep asking me?
Doug Madsen: Did he just say "cracker"?
Dudley Frank: "Cracker-ass."
Doug Madsen: Oh, perfect.
[to Val] Well, thanks for everything, you know, saving my life and stuff.Rhonda LeBeck
Woody Stevens: That's not a discussion.
Dudley Frank: Yeah, that's a lawsuit.
I think I have a plan. Why don't we throw a bomb the way we want to go and then when it goes off, we run like goddamn bastards! [silence] Pardon my French.Rhonda LeBeck