Favorite Comedy Quotes
Mugatu: SHUT UP! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? You've done nothing! NOTHIIIING! And I will be a monkey's uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can't get the job done, then I will!
[flings "M" shaped shuriken at the Prime Minister]
Mugatu: Die, you wage-hiking scum!
Kenny Fisher: 'Sup, ladies? Yo Jana, wanna dance?
Jana: I'm allergic.
Kenny Fisher: You're allergic to dancing?
Marlin: The water is half empty!
Dory: Hmmm. Really? I'd say it's half full.
Grandpa: Again with the fucking chicken.
Grandpa: It's always with the goddamn fucking chicken.
...And that was the second time I got crabs.Mac
Doc, none of us could remember anything from last night. Remember?Alan Garner
Don't you people have jobs?Judge Smails
Mr. Willerstein: Dr. Krunklehorn, I know you're very busy at Inventco Labs. And we're just so happy to have you as a judge.
Lucille Krunklehorn: It's my pleasure, Mr. Willerstein. Hey, you never know, one of your students may invent the next integrated circuit, or microprocessor, or integrated circuit. Oh wait, I said that already. Well, I just don't get out of the lab very much. Is that a bowtie? I like bowties. I haven't slept in eight days!
Mr. Willerstein: Uh, well then, can I get you a cot or something?
Lucille Krunklehorn: Nope, I have the caffeine patch. It's my invention. Each patch is the equivalent of 12 cups of coffee. You can stay up for days with no side effects. Ahhh! Sorry.
He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using.Inigo Montoya
Walter Sobchak: I told those fucks down at the league office a thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
Donny: What's Shabbos?
Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit
Walter Sobchak: don't fucking roll! Shomer shabbos!
The Dude: Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Shomer fucking shabbos.
The Dude: Oh fuck it.
If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer.Ace Ventura
I'm a god. I'm not THE God... I don't think.Phil