Favorite Comedy Quotes
Billy Zane: Hey, Derek, back on top, man.
Derek Zoolander: Thanks, Billy. You rock.
Billy Zane: No, you rock. When you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy?
Derek Zoolander: Not yet. You gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.
Boon: I gotta work on my game.
Otter: No, no, no, don't think of it as work. The whole point is just to enjoy yourself.
I was a little boy and somebody made a shitty latch. That's what I think. That's what I think about the whole thing, OK? And I'm not gonna take those drugs anymore, because they have left me completely fucking numb. I have felt so fucking numb to everything I have experienced in my life, OK? And for that... for that I'm here to forgive you. You've always said that all you wanted was for us to have whatever it is we wanted, right? Well, maybe, what Mom wanted more then anything is for it to all be over, and for me, what I want more then anything in the world, is for it to be OK with you for me to feel something again, even if it's pain.Andrew Largeman
Mike: I'm just dandy, I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants.
Steve: We didn't have any chocolate pudding.
I'm sorry, yo. I don't wanna be the first nigga to die from a crossbow!Thurgood Jenkins
Cartman: Mom? If you were in a German "scheisse" video, you... you'd tell me, right?
Mrs. Cartman: Sure, hon.
Jacob: "Nobody f***s my mother in the past!"
Kelly: "I feel pregnant."
Lou: "You're welcome."
Motormouth Maybelle: Oh Papa Tooney. We've got a Looney.
Prudence Pingleton: Don't you try to cast one of your voodoo spells on me, native woman.
Crash Davis: Relax, all right? Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls - it's more democratic.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: [to himself] What's this guy know about pitching? If he's so good how come he's been in the minors for the last ten years? If he's so good how come Annie wants me instead of him?
Crash Davis: Oh, hey, and another thing, Meat. You don't know shit, all right? If you wanna make it to the bigs, you'll listen to me. Annie only wants you so she can boss you around, got it? So relax! Let's have some fun out here! This game's fun, OK? Fun goddamnit. And don't hold the ball so hard, OK? It's an egg. Hold it like an egg.
Gimbel's Manager: Six-inch ribbon curls, Honey.
Jovie: That's impossible.
Gimbel's Manager: Six inches!
Herman Blume: You guys have it real easy. I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and your going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.
That's one small step for man! One giant... I have a dream!Mike