Favorite Comedy Quotes
Chip Douglas: Call it one guy doing another guy a solid.
Steven Kovacs: That is so nice!
Chip Douglas: Well you're a nice guy! You'd be surprised how many customers treat me like snot, like I'm a goddamn plumber or somethin'.
Agent 99: You lied about finding evidence of radioactivity
Agent 23: You conveniently killed Krstic before anyone could question him.
The Chief: And there's that little matter with you stoning my head with a fire extinguisher.
Maxwell Smart: I said I was sorry, you just didn't hear me because you were in a mini coma.
Young Dr. Evil: Would it kill you to put on some clothes? Honestly it's like living with frickin Sasquatch.
Young Austin Powers: Hey, have you seen my Balzac?
Young Dr. Evil: I'm looking at your Balzac right now.
Jason Nesmith: You WILL go out there.
Sir Alexander Dane: I won't and nothing you say will make me.
Jason Nesmith: The show must go on.
Sir Alexander Dane: ...Damn you.
Shaun: I have to go to college.
Shaun: Because it's what you do after high school.
The truth will set you free but before it does; It's gonna piss you off!Professor Turner
H.I.: I think the wife and me are splitting up. Her point is that we're both kind of selfish and unrealistic, so we're not really good for each other.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Well, ma'am, I don't know much, but I do know human beings. You brought back my boy, so you must have your good points, too. I sure hate to think of Florence leaving me. I do love her so. You can go out the way you came in. Oh, and before you do another foolish thing like busting up, I suggest you sleep on it. At least for a night.
Oooooh! Nice briefcase!Elle
Just because your dad called the cops doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.Dale Arbus
Harry Burns: How long do you like to be held after sex? All night, right? See, that's your problem. Somewhere between 30 seconds and all night is your problem.
Sally Albright: I don't have a problem.
Harry Burns: Yes, you do.
Snaps for Congresswoman Hauser!Rep. Rudd
Phil: You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.