Favorite Comedy Quotes
It's a glow-in-the-dark compass ring. So you don't get lost.Josh
Jacob: "Guys! This is scientifically possible."
Lou: "Oh, my god. Okay, Professor Hawking, tell me in your robot voice how this is scientifically possible."
Lester Bangs: So, you're the one who's been sending me those articles from your school newspaper.
William Miller: I've been doing some stuff for a local underground paper, too.
Lester Bangs: What, are you like the star of your school?
William Miller: They hate me.
Lester Bangs: You'll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.
[singing] I ate some bugs, I ate some grass, I used my hand, to wipe my tears.Nacho
He's not my Dad, he's my stepdad!Shaun
Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.Miles
Constantine: You guys have all the freedom you want!
Gonzo: When can I do my indoor running with the bulls?
Don't you point those dirty, green sausages at me!Fairy Godmother
Harry: [after running into his ex-wife] She looked weird, didn't she? She looked really weird.
Sally: I don't know, I've never seen her before.
Harry: Trust me, she looked weird. Her legs looked heavy. Really, she must retaining water.
Harry: Believe me, the woman saved everything.
Harold: Dude, we're so high right now!
Kumar: We're not low!
Harry: I'm glad he likes it there. I'm glad we were able to give him something, something good and happy. Because he wasn't such a bad kid, was he?
Harry: He wasn't a bad kid, was he?
Chon Wang: See! I told you so!
Roy O'Bannon: No, you said "wet shirt don't break," not "piss shirt bend bar"!