Favorite Comedy Quotes
George Downes: Why don't we stop and have a drink? You can take a later flight.
Julianne Potter: No, no, no, no. I'm a busy girl. I've got exactly four days to break up a wedding, steal the bride's fella and I haven't one clue how to do it.
Julianne Potter: He just came in for few hours to uh, to uh, FUCK ME.
George Downes: Huh! Takes a few hours.
Maybe there won't be marriage, maybe there won't be sex, but by God there'll be dancing!George Downes
Julianne Potter: You're going to humiliate me, aren't you?
George Downes: Only if I can.
Kimmy Wallace: He sucks soup through his front teeth.
Julianne Potter: That's a trademark move - don't touch that one.
Kimmy Wallace: But he sure can kiss.
The misery! The exquisite tragedy! The Susan Hayward of it all!George Downes
This is my one chance at happiness. I have to be ruthless!Julianne Potter
You kissed him! At my parents house! On my wedding day!Kimmy Wallace
If he were feeling what I'm feeling then he would know how it feels.Julianne Potter
Azrael: Get me a... Holy Bartender.
Bartender: Never heard of it.
Azrael: Ahh, he doesn't know how to make a Holy Bartender. You do, don't you, Muse?
Azrael: Ahh, anybody? No?
[Jay and Silent Bob shake their heads]
Azrael: Well, I know how to make a Holy Bartender...
[Azrael pulls out a gun, shoots the bartender repeatedly, then laughs hysterically]
Azrael: Get it?
Wax on, wax off.Metatron
Metatron: I am to charge you with a holy crusade.
Bethany: For the record, I work in an abortion clinic.
Metatron: Noah was a drunk. Look what he accomplished. And no one's even asking you to build an ark. All you have to do is go to New Jersey, and visit a small church on a very important day.
Bethany: New Jersey? That doesn't sound like much of a crusade.
Metatron: Aside from the fine print, that's it.
Bethany: What's the fine print?
Metatron: [mumbling] Stopacoupleofangelsfromenteringandthusnegatingallexistence.
Bethany: Wait, wait, wait. Repeat that.
Metatron: Stop a couple of angels from entering and thus negating all existence. I hate when people need it spelled out for them.