It seems like only yesterday I was strafing so many of your homes. Here I am today, begging you not to make such good cars.

President Thomas 'Tug' Benson

Karen: Why are you dressed so scary?
Cady: It's Halloween.

Steve's gotta go drain the sea-monster.

Steve the Pirate

Ben: This is odd, it never happened before.
Al: You're havin' a stroke. Good!

[brainstorming] Paul Power... Paul for President... Paul... Promise... Progress... Peanut...

Paul Metzler

Rita: [as Phil kisses Rita repeatedly, discovering that he got past Groundhog Day at long last] Phil, why weren't you like this last night? You just fell asleep.
Phil: It was the end of a VERY long day.

Phil: It's the same things your whole life. "Clean up your room." "Stand up straight." "Pick up your feet." "Take it like a man." "Be nice to your sister." "Don't mix beer and wine, ever." Oh yeah, "Don't drive on the railroad track."
Gus: Eh, Phil. That's one I happen to agree with.

Where are all the white women at?

Gunman at Fair in Final Scene

"Can't believe so much bad shit can happen on such a beautiful day."

Miles Logan

Please don't ruin my childhood

Joey Naylor

Stu Price: We don't want to call attention to ourselves!
Phil Wenneck: [while driving a squad car on the sidewalk and using the loudspeaker] Attention! Attention!

Marianne, can you play something else? Mamma has been weeping since breakfast. I meant something less mournful dearest.

Elinor Dashwood

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