Favorite Comedy Quotes
Get in loser, we're going shopping.Regina
Puffin: Hey Buddy wanna pick some snowberries?
Buddy: Not now Arctic Puffin!
Janey: I read Sylvia Plath, I listen to Bikini Kill and I eat Tofu. I am a unique rebel.
Mitch: It sounds more like you're a lesbo.
Mr. Briggs: Hey, Mitch, now leave your sister alone.
Janey: Thank you, daddy.
Mr. Briggs: If Janey wants to be a rug-muncher, that's her decision.
Admiral Benson: I slipped on a crab. Who put that crab there?
Lt. Commander Block: I don't see any crab, sir.
Admiral Benson: Don't tell me. There were two crabs. They work in pairs. I went to Annapolis for chrissakes!
Andy Sachs: I thought only the first assistant went to the benefit
Miranda Priestly: Only when the first assistant hasn't decided to become an incubus of viral plague.
In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the Indians have managed to win a few ball games, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar!Harry Doyle
Incredible; that guy is the Deion Sanders of retards.Michael
Ernie McCracken: It all comes down to this roll. Roy Munson, a man-child, with a dream to topple bowling giant Ernie McCracken. If he strikes, he's the 1979 Odor-Eaters Champion. He's got one foot in the frying pan and one in the pressure cooker. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst.
Roy: Hey. Do you mind? I wasn't talking when you were bowling.
Ernie McCracken: Was I talking out loud? Was I? Sorry. Good luck.
[Looking at the bullet holes in his robe] It's a miracle. I am invincible. Roy! Invincible!Roy O'Bannon
[while urinating neon green liquid] Jeez, it's like Shrek's piss.Danny
Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.Mugatu
Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away.Hitch