Favorite Comedy Quotes
Miranda Hobbes: The only two choices for women; witch and sexy kitten.
Carrie Bradshaw: Oh you just said a mouthful there sister.
Harold: ...The universe tends to unfold as it should.
Kumar: What is that? Some fortune cookie?
Well, I'm gonna go make a protein shake.Jason
Bart: What's your name?
Jim: Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me... Jim.
Carol: [John turns off the radio] Why did you do that?
John Milner: I don't like that surfin' shit. Rock and roll's been going down hill ever since Buddy Holly died.
Carol: Don't you think the Beach Boys are boss?
John Milner: You would, you grungy little twirp.
Carol: Grungy? You big weenie! If I had a boyfriend, he'd pound you.
John Milner: Yeah, sure.
Napoleon Dynamite: Why do you got your hood on like that?
Pedro: Well, when I came home from school my head started to get really hot. So I drank some cold water, but it didn't do nothing. So I laid in the bathtub for a while, but then I realized that it was my hair that was making my head hot. So I went into my kitchen and I shaved it all off. I don't want anyone to see.
Napoleon Dynamite: I know what you mean.
Cedric (to Shannon Brown and Ron Artest/Metta World Peace): Why don't you and the stronger version of Prince go back down to that side of the court and do what y'all was doing. Cause if y'all want the court, you'll play us for the court like real men.
Ron Artest/Metta World Peace: So y'all wanna play for it?
Cedric: You heard what I said... am I stuttering?
Alison Scott: Why don't you go fuck your fucking Bong?
Ben Stone: I will! I'll do it doggy style, too!
Wow, that was really scary and if you don't mind me saying, if that don't work, your breath will certainly get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something 'cause your breath STINKS.Donkey
Scarface: Yo I'm Cuban, B!
Samson Simpson: Yes, Cuban B.
You just headbutted my boyfriend so hard he burst.Envy Adams
Nick: "You know that last month you made me work so late that I missed saying goodbye to my Gam-Gam?"
Dave: "I'm sorry, what?"
Nick: "My grandmother. I told you that I needed to see her because she was very, very sick. You said if I left early I'd get fired - and she died before I made it to the hospital."
Dave: "I'm sorry."
Nick: "Thank you."
Dave: "I had no idea that you called your grandmother 'Gam-Gam.' (laughing hysterically) "Sorry. Sorry that you didn't get to say bye-bye to Gam-Gam..."