Favorite Comedy Quotes
Andrew Largeman: Dude, we've been patient all day but it's my last day in town and you haven't told us what we're doing. I mean, if you had told me we'd be going on a six-hour scavenger hunt for blow I would've passed.
Mark: Come on, please. If I was going to get you coke we would've gone to the fucking high school football practice. We would've been rolling five hours ago.
Vincent Cadby: [Ace moans and howls upon entering a room sporting numerous stuffed animal heads] Something wrong, Mr. Ventura?
Ace: Of course not. This is a lovely room of death.
Royal: The past six days have been the best six days of probably my whole life.
Narrator: Immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true.
Jack Ryan: 200 Grand is a lot different from a tv set.
Nancy Hayes: Yea... It's way lighter.
There's more to life than a little money, ya know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are. And it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it.Marge Gunderson
Swimming Kid: Andy, have you seen my swimming buddy? If I can't find him, I'm telling Beth that you let him drown.
Andy: I was busy!
Swimming Kid: It's your job to make sure kids don't drown!
Wallace: Reach for the sky, O'Bannon, ha ha!
Roy O'Bannon: That's my line. He stole my gang, he's stealing my lines. It's unbelievable!
I'm going to find it and I'm going to destroy it. I don't know how yet. Possibly with dynamite.Steve Zissou
Annie: Right, I'll just go get my things, and then let's fix the country, shall we?
Prime Minister: Yeah, I can't see why not.
I'll have the rent by the end of the week, go tell the mayor.Dewey Finn
Clark Griswald: So, this is the old homestead, eh?
Cousin Eddie: Yeah. I don't know for how much longer, though. The bank's been after me like flies on a rib roast.
Terrence: Well, Phillip, I hope you've learned something from this whole experience.
Phillip: I sure have, Terrance. I've learned that you are a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck face.
Terrence: [they laugh] Wanna see the northern lights?
[strikes a match, farts, burns up]
Phillip: Ha ha ha. You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. Ha ha ha.
Terrence: I sure did, Philip!