Favorite Comedy Quotes
Wanda: Wait! He's still a blue-blood! He can break the curse.
Penelope: Max, I know this face repulses you... And I wouldn't, I wouldn't dream of asking you to accept it.
Max: No... No... No...
Penelope: But this isn't me, the real me is inside here somewhere just waiting to get out and you can make that happen and once the curse is broken I'll be just like anybody else.
Max: What if the curse doesn't get broken? What if the curse can never be broken?
Penelope: Then I'll kill myself. I promise, I promise I will.
Penelope: Marry me, Max. Marry me.
Max: I can't.
Penelope: Get out.
Wanda: Get out. Get out.
Sergeant, does this mean we're through for the day?Dewey Oxburger
How's your wife and my kids?Heywood
Tracy Lord: These stories are beautiful. Why, Mike, they're almost poetry.
Macaulay Connor: Don't kid yourself, they are.
Roy: How about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the the novelty machine in the men's room? I mean, those are fun even when you're alone. We're talkin' the hula hoop of the nineties.
Lancaster Bowl Manager: Look, I've told you. We don't need nuthin'. We don't even have a novelty machine in the men's room anymore.
Roy: And you call yourselves a bowling alley?
[to Maurice, as they are in a plane] It's more fun when you raise your arms up like this, ah ha ha ha!Julien
Elias: Fuck Pillowpants! Honk if you love or like pussy!
Jay: [Looks at Silent Bob] Yo, we love pussy!
Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor.Larry Zoolander
Deputy Clementine Johnson: You need to go to the store and get me some cranberry juice cuz it's gonna be one of those days!
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Uh oh, yeast infection time!
It was the summer before 9th grade, and there was me, Brian, Kenny, Scarface, and of course the lovable Old James... hold on, wait a minute... Old James... Old James wasn't there... I don't even know nobody named Old James.Thurgood Jenkins
Chon Wang: See! I told you so!
Roy O'Bannon: No, you said "wet shirt don't break," not "piss shirt bend bar"!
Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone's NOT a genius? Do you especially think I'm NOT a genius? You didn't even have to think about it, did you?Eli