Favorite Comedy Quotes
Bethany: So this is all about revenge.
Azrael: After the first couple of million years, no. My only goal was escape, but, surprise surprise, demons can't get into heaven... but angels can.
Jay: Maybe he's got a message on him, like in Con Air.
Rufus: Aww, man, did that movie suck!
Jay: [hiding behind silent Bob] Kill it, kill it!
Rufus: Con Air, Con Shit!
I know they were just kids, but we kicked their pube-less asses!Jay
"I do believe in this." What does that even mean?Bartleby
Bartleby: Ladies and gentlemen, you have been judged guilty of sinning against our almighty God, and I promise you, you shall pay for your trespasses... in blood!
[Rips shirt to reveal silver breastplate]
Bartleby: Wings, now.
Loki: I'm feeling a little exposed here ...
Bartleby: DO IT!
Randal Graves: You're in the bestiality business.
Sexy Stud: Hey. Fucko. We like to call it inter-species erotica.
Randal Graves: Intriguing.
Randal Graves: That look was so gay, I thought Sam was gonna tell the little Hobbits to go for a walk so he could saunter over to Frodo and suck his fucking cock. Now that would have been an Academy Award-worthy ending.
Hobbit Lover: Hey, faggot! They're not gay. They're hobbits.
Elias: Fuck Pillowpants! Honk if you love or like pussy!
Jay: [Looks at Silent Bob] Yo, we love pussy!
Teen #1: You holding?
Jay: Shit, everything except coke, heroin, and your cock!
Dante Hicks: The guy's in a wheelchair.
Randal Graves: I know. That's why I call him "crippie-boy."
I was taking a piss when I heard the news, congratulations!Jay
Elias: The Transformers are a gift from God, Randal!
Randal Graves: Oh no, sir. The Transformers are a curse from the beast we call The Desolate One.