Favorite Comedy Quotes
Hitch: Lean in, place your hand on the small of her back, say it in her ear like a secret. But watch your hand placement, too high says, 'I just wanna be friends,' too low says, 'I just wanna grab some ass.'
Albert: [making holding gestures at different levels] Okay... Friends. Ass. Me.
Tyra Banks: You're not married, you're on the wrong side of 40, and child-less. Somebody close to you said: One more flop, and it's over.
Tugg Speedman: [pause] Somebody said they were close to me?
Ms. Perky: People perceive you as somewhat...
Kat Stratford: Tempestuous?
Ms. Perky: "Heinous bitch" is the term used most often.
Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes.Willie Mays Hayes
...and the sea cucumber turns to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"Marlin
The Dude: Dude.
Nihilist: [on the phone] Who is this?
The Dude: Dude. The bag man, man. Where do you want us to go?
The Dude: [to Walter] Shit!
The Dude: Uh. Yeah, uh. Me and, uh, the driver. I'm not handling the money, driving the car and talking on the phone all at the same time.
Nihilist: Shut the fuck up.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, are you fucking this up?
Nihilist: Who the fuck is that?
The Dude: That is the driver.
[Nihilist hangs up]
The Dude: Shit! Walter, you fuck... you fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands, man!
Walter Sobchak: Nothing is fucked here, Dude. Come on, you're being very un-Dude. They'll call back.
Winston: Hey Steve, ask me ANY movie.
Steve Barker: Okay, hmm... Jaws.
Winston: That's a good movie.
Hey you guys ready to let the dogs out?Alan Garner
I bought a suit. You seen it. Now it's covered in mud. This town doesn't have a one hour cleaner so I had to buy a new suit, except the only store you could buy a new suit in has got the flu. Got that? The whole store got the flu so I had to get this in a second hand store. So it's either wear the leather jacket which I know you hate, or this. So I wore this ridiculous thing for you.Vinny Gambini
Samantha Jones: I can't color enough, I would color all day every day If I had my way, I would use every crayon in my box.
Carrie Bradshaw: We get it! You like to color...
Mother Nature just pissed her pants, dude!Cody
Seriously, who is this? Is this Burt from accounting?The Mayor of Who-ville