Italian Reporter: [after the Pope's ring has been stolen] Mr. Pepperidge, was the Dream Team asleep when the theft occurred?
Pepperidge: No comment.
Italian Reporter: Do you think they will recover the ring?
Pepperidge: If I give a comment, when I said 'no comment.' I would look like a complete ass, wouldn't I?

Pee-wee: Life can be so unfair.
Mickey: You telling ME?

Rejection. That's what makes a college great. The exclusivity of any university is judged primarily by the amount of students it rejects.

Dean Van Horne

Frank Pizzarro: What is this?
Jack Ryan: What's what?
Frank Pizzarro: Dude, this is $200. You said we made six.
Jack Ryan: Right, yeah, but $200 is your cut, cause that's the going rate for hiding in the truck.

Nathan Arizona Sr.: All right, boy, I guess you got a reward coming, $25,000. Or, if you need home furnishings, I can give you a line of credit at any of my stores. In fact, that's the way I'd rather handle it. Tax reasons.
Ed McDonnough: We don't want no reward. We didn't bring him back for money.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: We can work it that way, too!

Agent 99: Not bad for a rookie.
Maxwell Smart: Not bad for an old lady.

I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.

Chip Douglas

Tony Robbins: Hal, don't you think you're being a bit shallow here in the way you look at women?
Hal: Well, no! You know, I'd like her to be into culture and shit, too.
Tony Robbins: Ok Hal, hypothetical situation; Which do you prefer, a girlfriend missing one breast or half a brain?
Hal: Hmmm, toughie. What about the remaining breast? Is it big?

Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you... even if you know its someplace you know you're not supposed to be.

Van Wilder

I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.


Come on, grab some sky.


I forgive you. I only hope my neurologist will feel the same.

Chip Douglas

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