Favorite Comedy Quotes
Italian Reporter: [after the Pope's ring has been stolen] Mr. Pepperidge, was the Dream Team asleep when the theft occurred?
Pepperidge: No comment.
Italian Reporter: Do you think they will recover the ring?
Pepperidge: If I give a comment, when I said 'no comment.' I would look like a complete ass, wouldn't I?
Pee-wee: Life can be so unfair.
Mickey: You telling ME?
Rejection. That's what makes a college great. The exclusivity of any university is judged primarily by the amount of students it rejects.Dean Van Horne
Frank Pizzarro: What is this?
Jack Ryan: What's what?
Frank Pizzarro: Dude, this is $200. You said we made six.
Jack Ryan: Right, yeah, but $200 is your cut, cause that's the going rate for hiding in the truck.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: All right, boy, I guess you got a reward coming, $25,000. Or, if you need home furnishings, I can give you a line of credit at any of my stores. In fact, that's the way I'd rather handle it. Tax reasons.
Ed McDonnough: We don't want no reward. We didn't bring him back for money.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: We can work it that way, too!
Agent 99: Not bad for a rookie.
Maxwell Smart: Not bad for an old lady.
I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.Chip Douglas
Tony Robbins: Hal, don't you think you're being a bit shallow here in the way you look at women?
Hal: Well, no! You know, I'd like her to be into culture and shit, too.
Tony Robbins: Ok Hal, hypothetical situation; Which do you prefer, a girlfriend missing one breast or half a brain?
Hal: Hmmm, toughie. What about the remaining breast? Is it big?
Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you... even if you know its someplace you know you're not supposed to be.Van Wilder
I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.Ted
Come on, grab some sky.Gary
I forgive you. I only hope my neurologist will feel the same.Chip Douglas